I'm a Mommy. Now What?

Henry: 16 to 18 Months

2012-01-22T22:08:00.003-05:00

If only toddlerhood was like this all the time...

I have been experiencing some serious Mommy burnout recently and of course this has made me feel like a Mommy failure. My kid's great. Why wouldn't I want to do nothing but hang out with him? This toddler thing is very much wearing me out though. I know my main problem is that I wait too long to ask for help. I do want to go ahead and point out that my husband is fantastic and takes care of Henry for me whenever he can, but he's got things that need to be done too and we both feel we're left with very little free time. I can spend lots of time home with just my kid and be completely fine, but once I need a break then I really need a break, and a couple of hours off just doesn't cut it. And often my couple of hours of "free time" doesn't really feel like a break because it generally includes running errands and exercising, neither of which are particularly relaxing. This had been building for a while and then Henry got a cold and was waking up several times a night, and my already low level of patience was not helped by the exhaustion of all of us.

Recently my in-laws were in town and watched Henry several times. I feel like everytime the entire family gets together, Henry gets sick and the three of us are miserable for the duration. He's up all night, he refuses to eat, and he's just generally nuts and not himself. This time thankfully Henry only got a cold. It could have been worse. Two of my nieces got bronchitis and one got a sinus infection. Ick. Anyway, now that he's better I'm finally starting to feel recharged, but I did burst into tears the other day when he woke up after only a 20 minute nap.

I used to be afraid of taking a trip with Graham to China because of the 17 hour flight and my claustrophobia and all that. I've told several people lately that now I feel like that 17 hours of alone time sounds like heaven. You mean I can read and watch movies and not have to change diapers or wrestle my kid to the ground to wipe his nose for 17 hours before I even get to the vacation part? I'm totally in. But yeah, I'm going to go ahead and take all that back. My husband just spent 36 hours trying to get to Shanghai only to wind up back home after his flight turned around somewhere near Greenland, landed in Canada to fix the bathrooms, then came back to the states to pick up another flight crew and refuel. He spent like 20 hours on the plane and didn't actually go anywhere except for various airports so I'm back to being terrified of the long flight again and thinking maybe hanging out with a cranky Henry isn't so bad after all.

But anyway, Henry's been doing all sorts of new things the last couple of months. We're finally starting to get lots of words, although most of them are probably only understood by Graham and I. For example, "ice" means rice. He says Mommy now instead of just "Momom." "Happy" is the thing he says most clearly. I love it. I also really love uh-oh. He says eggs and cheese and keys, but they all sound very similar. Water has no "t' so it's more like wa'er. And milk started out sounding more like a game show buzzer for some reason as in "aaank" wrong answer. Now it sounds like "knock." He has started referring to Granny as "Nee". It's also great that whenever I ask him if he wants to talk to Granny he goes immediately to the computer and waits for me to open it up to Skype.

Sometimes he is really helpful about picking up his toys. He loves for me to read him books now even more than ever. He likes anything involving Sesame Street characters in his books. He can say Oscar and he seems to think Bert and Ernie are both named Ernie.

Big boy climbing all by himself

There's plenty of new mischief lately including being able to climb into his high chair by himself even when it's on the highest setting. He can also turn on the dishwasher. I'm thankful our stove knobs aren't on the front where he can reach them. We've been doing time-outs for a while now, but I feel like there's got to be something better. He still spends a lot of time in time-out even though he knows what he's not supposed to do (going to the other side of the gate to play with the dvds, biting, hitting, playing with the space heater). Sometimes a warning about getting a time-out will convince him not to do whatever he's about to do and sometimes he just seems to decide it's worth it and does it anyway.

I've mentioned before the feeling of such extreme love and such extreme exasperation. He's the cutest thing ever born and a complete snuggle bug, but he's bitten three kids now. Thankfully that seems to be waning. He's got one serious temper though, and that's not waning at all. Any time he's told no, he has to find something to throw or hit. This is one of those things he finds totally worth it to do even though it always results in a time-out. I've heard other people say that if they'd had their second child first they might have waited longer before the next or not had another at all. Well we had that kid first so I'm in no rush to add a second right now although we do want one someday.

See, a total snuggle bug. He even hugs trees.

I just don't want to spank him. If I spanked him every time he did something he wasn't supposed to do, I'd be hitting him all day. And I don't think it makes sense to hit a kid to teach them not to hit. I did attempt biting him back once, but felt like such a jerk I couldn't do it again. I've got no other real solution. Hopefully he'll grow out of it all (and soon). Any chance his terrible twos are actually terrible ones that are almost over?

Good Day to Start Digital Scrapbooking

2011-12-01T13:39:00.001-05:00

It's a great day to get started with digital scrapbooking if you've been putting it off. On the first day of every other month there is a new blog train over at The Blog Train Blog. What is a blog train? It's a collection of websites who have agreed to give away digital scrapbooking freebies, all with coordinating colors. The freebies could be word art, papers, alphas, elements, or a mini-kit that combines them all. Think of it as just like going to the store to get paper scrapbooking supplies. All the same stuff is available in digital format. But it's even better because you can use digital papers over and over again. This train is a large one with 90 different designers so you're sure to find something you'll like.

This particular train is themed "Traditions" and has blues and reds so it's not an in your face red and green Santa Claus type Christmas thing. Lots of the papers can be used for any winter page and one of the sites I liked best this time was Trixie Scraps who provided some really cute plaid papers that I can even use for summer. I'm so excited the colors were more boy-friendly this time. For a while there it seemed like they used pink in every single color scheme.

How to Download Free Stuff
What I do is go to the main page and visit each site on the list from there. In theory, you could hop from page to page as they're all supposed to link to the next one on the list, but inevitably someone will forget to post and the trail is broken so I think going from the master list is easier and quicker.

Start with the first site on the list and if you like what they offer download it. If you don't just move to the next site on the list. I remind you here to only download it if you like it because there are TONS of freebies available. So don't think you have to download everything just because it's free. You'll wind up with way more than you could ever have room to store on your computer or time to sort through when you're ready to scrap. Be picky. You want your scrapbook to look good and you want to be able to find your favorites quickly.

There are several different methods of downloading. Most of the designers on this blog train use a direct download where you just click the download link and you get the window prompting you to save the file. But some use Mediafire or 4shared. Mediafire is really bad about giving me pop-ups in spite of my pop-up blocker. It's full of ads and looks sketchy like it's ready to unleash a virus onto your computer, but so far I have downloaded hundreds of things through them without incident. 4shared is very annoying. They make you wait between like 20 and 500 seconds before you can download if you don't sign up for their service. So make sure whatever you're downloading through them is worth the wait. And go look at another page on another tab while you wait. You don't have to watch the countdown.

While you're at each of the sites on the list, type "freebie" or "blog train" in their search bar or click through labels that say the same. Most places take their freebies down at the end of the week or month, but some people leave up their freebies forever so you might find other items you could use.

Downloading freebies is a great way to try out different designers' work before you make a purchase. Although I must admit, I have yet to purchase any digital scrapbook supplies because the freebies are so plentiful. I was able to make an entire 112 page book off of freebies. I don't really want to encourage everyone to do this because the designers' work takes a lot of time and there is definitely value to it. They deserve to be paid. On the other hand, I've not in any way been a digiscrapping pirate. I've not distributed any of the freebies to anyone else or tried to pass anything off as my own. So far I just haven't been able to justify paying with so much freely available no matter how much I respect the designers.

How I Organize Thousands of Files
I usually organize on a different day than I download rather than doing it as I go along because I'll usually download a few files, do something else, download more files, etc, and so downloading is a process that can take up an evening all by itself if you let it.

You'll need to unzip the files before you can look at them and then you can delete the zip file and just keep the folder. I go through each folder while it's still in my download folder and delete out items I don't want. I do keep some girly items because I have nieces, but some things are too over the top girly even for them and some things are just ugly so I delete anything I know I'll never use or if I know I already have 3 similar things to it.

Then I move the folders over to my Scrapbooking Supplies folder on my external drive. I have my scrapbook supplies organized by designer should I ever need to give credit for who created the papers and things. They nearly all include a terms of use file in their downloads so you can keep track of where you got everything. I'm keeping these on the external drive because I just have so much now that it was starting to bog down my computer, and I had a scare where I thought my hard drive was going to crash so there was the possibility of losing everything.

Since I have just moved everything to the external I'm going to need to reorganize because when I moved it, I lost my iPhoto tags. I had everything neatly tagged so I could go into that program and type something like "purple polka dot" and anything that had those tags would come up. But that's gone. It was super convenient to do that as I was slowly getting more files, but I've got so much downloaded at this point that I probably won't go to that level of detail again. I think I'll just put all items from a blog train in the same Event and browse the way I used to when paper scrapping. I'll miss the search feature, but I can't dedicate a month to organizing my scrapping supplies.

Get Started
I've discussed a little bit about how to get started before. Basically you just need a program to work in. I suggest Photoshop Elements, much cheaper that full blown Photoshop and probably all you'll ever need. Elements can be intimidating. You'll just need to play around. Google some tutorials. There are tons of them that could it explain its workings far better than I ever could.

Once you start completing your pages, you can share them on your blog or on Facebook so everyone can see and you can print yourself a photobook. I'm in love with Henry's one year book from Blurb.

And don't get overwhelmed by how far behind you think you are. Just start with your current pictures and move forward going back to get the ones you've missed as you have time.

Read a Book a Week

2011-11-29T11:57:00.001-05:00

I'm about 3 months into my year of 30 things I want to do before I turn 30 so I thought I'd do an update on my book-a-week plan. I was slow to start. Some books have taken me 2-3 weeks to finish. I partially blame the free magazine subscriptions I've been gifted with and my weekend newspapers. I feel like I can't throw either away until they've been read, but with all the other projects I'm trying out there's just no time for that. I recently cancelled my newspaper subscription. I wasn't doing so hot on couponing anyway. When it's triple coupons, it's totally worth it, but there are some weeks where there's nothing on the deal list I want to buy so I'm taking a break and getting back to that goal later.

Anyway, as I was going over this list, I realized how little fiction I've been reading lately. I've been using my book-a-week to further other goals like Become More Politically Aware and I love to read biographies, but I'd like some recommendations for good fiction. Actually, I'm asking you for recommendations for good books all around fiction and nonfiction so let me know what books I need to add to my list.

Books I've read so far this year:

"Inconceivable: A Medical Mistake, the Baby We Couldn't Keep, and Our Choice to Deliver the Ultimate Gift" by Carolyn & Sean Savage -- The short version of the story is that the Savages' embryos were switched with another family's and Carolyn became pregnant with the other family's child. You can read more about it here. I saw them on The Today Show last week, and they did finally manage to have twins through their surrogate, and they do get to visit the child she carried for the other family. I'm glad it seems to have turned out well. The book was a heartbreaking story.

"Liberty Defined: 50 Essential Issues That Affect Our Freedom" by Ron Paul -- I like Ron Paul. He may seem extreme, but maybe we need extreme. That being said, I don't have love for just any Republican candidate. Listening to Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry and pretty much anyone on Fox News makes me want to throw things at my television.

"This Boy's Faith: Notes from a Southern Baptist Upbringing" by Hamilton Cain -- I picked up this one and the next at the library from the new release section (or whatever it's called). I find that's a good way to get in and out of the library quickly. It's close to the door. I grab any cover that jumps out at me and head to the check out. I've found I can no longer take Henry into the library without the stroller because he is too tempted by the stairs. I wish they were hidden in a stairwell instead of being right in the middle of the room. Since he's stuck in the stroller, he gets bored quickly making a quick in and out necessary. Anyway, this one caught my eye because of my own Southern Baptist upbringing and there were a lot familiar things in it.

"If You Ask Me (And Of Course You Won't)" by Betty White -- I picked this one up because Betty White is so popular lately, but it only covers the last 10-15 years, not her younger days, which were probably more interesting.

"No Apology: Believe in America" by Mitt Romney -- When Borders went out of business, I bought like 5 books on politics for about $3 each. This was one of them. All the books I got were by Republicans. There were no books by Democrats left at the end of the closeout. This book didn't really make me feel more strongly either way about Mitt Romney as a candidate, nothing that really turned me off of him but nothing inspiring either.

"Just Do It: How One Couple Turned Off the TV and Turned On Their Sex Lives for 101 Days (No Excuses!)" by Douglas Brown -- This one was recommended by a friend.

"Real Change: The Fight For America's Future" by Newt Gingrich -- This and the next are more discounted Borders books. I can't decide what I think about Newt. Lots of things in this book made sense. He said some things I liked in earlier debates, but I must admit I haven't had a chance to watch any of the more recent ones. I've started on another of his books where he comes across as less likeable than he was in this one however.

"Give Us Liberty: A Tea Party Manifesto" by Dick Armey & Matt Kibbe -- Interesting read on what the Tea Party stands for. I agree that being fiscally responsible is important. My biggest hesitation with the Tea Party is the Facebook comments I see from its members. The group's message seems good, but most people I hear speak on behalf of them come off as total jerks so it's hard to get behind that.

"Anthem" by Ayn Rand -- I love that many older books like this one are free downloads on Kindle. To sum this one up, communism is bad. I'd like to read "The Fountainhead" and "Atlas Shrugged," but they aren't free so I'll probably get them at the library sometime.

"Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" by Lewis Carroll -- I'd never read this one or "Through the Looking Glass" before. Just like when I read "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz," it was interesting to see the difference between the books and the iconic films.

"Through the Looking Glass" by Lewis Carroll

"Dreams From My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance" by Barack Obama -- You can tell he wrote this book well before he thought about running for any office, much less guarded than he comes across now. I didn't read anything that made me regret voting for him. He's got a very interesting story. This is the first book I downloaded to my Kindle from the library. I cannot express how excited I was by the fact that I can get books from the library without leaving home. You just go to the website and add yourself to the hold list, and then when it's available they email you to let you know.

"Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia" by Elizabeth Gilbert -- I saw the movie first and so of course was picturing Julia Roberts as Liz throughout the book. This made me like her more than I might have otherwise. I'm jealous that she was able to take a year to travel. I know she had a lot of travel experience, but I just can't imagine being brave enough to travel for an entire year completely alone mostly without a plan.

Weight Watchers: 50 Points Over This Week

2011-11-28T19:01:00.001-05:00

I did not manage to stay within my Weight Watchers points for the week of Thanksgiving. In fact I was over by more than 50 points.

What I Did Wrong:

I didn't save my flex points up. It's not like Thanksgiving was an unexpected event that came up this week. I knew it was coming. I have a bad habit of splurging on my flex points early in the week and then trying to scrape by on fewer points towards the end of the week. I was out of flex points at the end of the day on Wednesday so I set myself up to fail on Thursday. I could have had a decent lunch or dinner but not both.
I didn't exercise as much as I should have. I only ran 2 days last week and didn't go for any walks. More activity points would have given me more cushion for Thanksgiving.
I forgot to write something down again this week. While I was writing this blog I thought of 8 more points from last Sunday, making me 58 points over for the week.
Let's make that approximately 58 points over for the week. I didn't get out a measuring cup on Thanksgiving for all my food and just guessed at the portions. I feel pretty confident that I was accurate because I do a lot of measuring, but the only way to be sure is to measure, and I didn't.
After I went over on Thanksgiving I didn't go right back to being strict on points. I had good intentions, but my willpower was lowered after I already knew I'd blown it. This is common for me, to just say I'll do better next week rather than correcting my behavior right away.
I tried to use activity points to make up for going over. I earned 10 activity points on Friday and thought I might be able to just eat my daily allowance of 29 points, but I was just too hungry after doing 7 miles.
I was weak because it was a special occasion and friends and family were over. The cinnamon roll and apple pie I ate were good, but certainly not worth the points they cost me. And I know better. The thing is, it's always a special occasion. It's always some holiday or someone's birthday or someone's in town you rarely see, etc. Stay on plan anyway! Most food is not worth being fat one more single week.

What I Did Right:

I still did my long run and I pushed myself harder for my 7 mile run this week than I did for the 6 mile run last week. I wound up with a better pace time 11:50 for 7 miles vs 12:05 for 6 miles.
Most importantly, I kept writing everything down. I went over on my points, but if I hadn't been tracking, I would have gone over by much more. I made better choices than I would have normally even if I still wound up cheating. I did things that saved me small amounts of points like choosing not to have cheese on my hamburger. And I did things that saved me large amounts of points like not going out to get the missing ingredient for pumpkin chocolate chip pie (of which I would have had at least one 10 point slice each day on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday on top of everything else). So yeah, I was really bad, but I could have been worse.

Results:
I got lucky and still lost 0.4 lbs, which would be disappointing on a week I'd been good, but was an awesome surprise this week. That puts me at 153 lbs, 23 more lbs until goal, and 13 weeks until the Princess Half Marathon. To reach goal by then, I need to lose 1.8 lbs/week so I need to get serious. No more lax weeks.

Where Did the Points Go?

	Su	M	T	W	Th	F	Sa
Breakfast	9	9	9	9	9	9	9
Lunch	21	11	11	10	22	11	9
Dinner	13	11	15	13	21	18	19
Anytime	18	10	6	2	6	4	10
Total Used	61	41	41	34	58	42	47

Sunday
Breakfast
Cheerios and Milk	9

Lunch
Chicken Sandwich	13
Goldfish Crackers	8

Dinner
Ground Turkey w/Potatoes and Peas	8
Rice	5

Snacks
Hershey Bar	2
Wine	16

	61


Monday
Breakfast
Cheerios and Milk	9

Lunch
Roast Beef Sandwich	7
Goldfish Crackers	4

Dinner
Roast Beef Sandwich	7
Goldfish Crackers	4

Snacks
Ice Cream	10

	41


Tuesday
Breakfast
Cheerios and Milk	9

Lunch
Roast Beef Sandwich	7
Goldfish Crackers	4
Grapes	0

Dinner
Baked Broccoli Macaroni and Cheese	12
Cheesy Bread	3

Snacks
Ice Cream	6
	41

Exercise
32 min run	4


Wednesday
Breakfast
Cheerios and Milk	9

Lunch
English Muffin Sandwich	6
Goldfish Crackers	4
Grapes	0

Dinner
Hamburger	13
Grapes	0

Snacks
String Cheese	2
Banana	0
	34


Thursday
Breakfast
Cheerios and Milk	9

Lunch & Dinner
Fried Turkey	6
Stuffing	8
Corn Casserole	7
Sweet Potato Casserole	3
Green Bean Casserole	10
Rosemary Garlic Parmesan Biscuits	9

Snacks
Ice Cream	6
	58


Friday
Breakfast
Cheerios and Milk	9

Lunch
Roast Beef Sandwich	7
Goldfish Crackers	4

Dinner
Turkey	3
Sweet Potato Casserole	3
Corn Casserole	3
Green Bean Casserole	2
Rosemary Garlic Parmesan Biscuit	3
1/2 Ikea Cinnamon Roll	5

Snacks
Turkey and String Cheese	3
Grapes	0
	42

Exercise
72 min run/walk	10


Saturday
Breakfast
Cheerios and Milk	9

Lunch
Roast Beef and Cheese	2
Stuffing	3
Goldfish Crackers	4

Dinner
Cheerios and Milk	13
Roast Beef and Cheese	3
Corn Casserole	3

Snacks
String Cheese	1
Apple Pie	9

Weight Watchers and Running Update

2011-11-22T21:05:00.000-05:00

I've mentioned before that I've lost all my pregnancy weight (all 60 whopping pounds), and now I'm working on the weight I gained while I just wanted to be pregnant. So the last time I was at goal must have been in 2008. Aack!

I've never attended a Weight Watchers meeting, although I've been on and off the program for about 9 years. In college, I used one of those little cardboard point calculators and managed to lose 40 pounds (probably without ever eating a fruit or vegetable or exercising much at all). Sometime after I got married, I started using Weight Watchers online, which I really like and highly recommend. I've terminated and reactivated my account several times. My problem is that I get to goal and then go back to my bad habits. A couple of months ago I terminated my account again because I couldn't justify $18/month on it when I know what to do. It's just a matter of being motivated enough to do it. So sometimes I'm motivated and sometimes I'm not.

I've struggled with my weight my whole life. I used to think that I'd get to goal and then that struggle would be over, but that's not how it works. This is something I'm going to have to manage forever. I've accepted that now. I do not plan to count points every day for the rest of my life, but I will need to sometimes. To maintain, I am going to have to weigh myself weekly (maybe even daily) and keep myself in check.

This week I'm motivated again. My weight crept up a couple of pounds while we were on vacation to 158.6. I'd been at 155 for about 2 months, but a gain means I have to get this under control now. I figured up that if I lose 2 lbs/week, I can still be at goal (130 lbs) by the time I do the half-marathon at the end of February. I want to be able to reward myself with new clothes after the race.

I'm doing okay with the half-marathon training. It's hard to get four runs in a week like I ought to. Most weeks it's two or three. I don't run with a jogging stroller. I like to go alone. It's hard enough for me to run. I don't want to also have to worry about how Henry is doing. This is something that needs to be time for me. That does make it harder to get out the door, though, especially with it being dark by the time Graham gets home. I don't like to run in the dark. I also can't generally get myself up to go before Graham goes to work. So my only shot is if I can squeeze it in while Graham is home for lunch and on weekends.

I am not fast by any stretch of the imagination. During 5ks I've been passed by everybody: kids, old men, a blind guy, and a guy in a chipmunk costume. During Warrior Dash, I got passed by a guy who only had one leg. Seriously. But I show up. And I finish even if I have to walk. While training for the half, I've been running by time instead of distance up until this week. I've gotten to as much as an hour of straight running (or maybe it's just jogging but still). This week I decided that I need to start making sure I'm covering as much distance as I should be at this point in my training. I did three miles in 32:05 (10:42 pace) and six miles in 1:12:28 (12:05 pace). The three miles was completely flat and the six miles was hilly. I've been running almost completely on flat trails so I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised that I had to stop and walk a quite a bit on the longer run. I need to do just hilly runs for a while to build myself up I guess.

To really hold myself accountable on the weight loss, I'm going to start including everything I ate each week on my blog. The basic summary of how Weight Watchers works is that I get 29 points per day and then 49 flex points for the week to split up however I want. In addition to that you can earn more points by exercising. I've found that if I don't eat my exercise points it slows down my weight loss, but that's not true for everyone. You have to experiment a little. Points Plus aren't based on calories anymore. They're based on fat, fiber, carbs, and protein, but I have heard that Points Plus are worth approximately 33 calories so if you average that out over the week (without activity points) that's about 1200 calories per day. Plus fruits and veggies are free except for potatoes and corn.

Below is my list for last week. I have found that I can almost always be about 10 points over and still lose a pound. I wish I didn't know that because it makes it hard not to eat a few extra points at the end of the week after I've run out of flex points. To prove this, I still lost 5.2 lbs this week even though I was over by 11 points. I forgot to write something down one day I and thought I had more points than I did and ate them. Oops. 23.4 lbs to go. Good progress so far. This week is the real challenge though. Can I hold on to enough flex points all the way through Thursday to eat a decent Thanksgiving dinner without cheating on my diet?

I recently discovered Skinny Taste through Pinterest. She includes all the nutritional info for her recipes, and everything I've made so far has been really good. I highly recommend it.

You'll note that I don't give up sweets when I diet and I still lose weight. That is the best part of Weight Watchers. You don't have to completely give up anything. You just reduce the amount you eat.

Sunday
Breakfast
2 cups Cheerios	6
3/4 cup Whole Milk	3

Lunch
English Muffin	3
Cheese	2
Turkey	1
Baked Ruffles	3
Pineapple	0

Dinner
Turkey Sausage Brown Rice Stuffing	9

Snacks
Fiber One Bar	4
Fudge	5
Turkey and String Cheese	2


Exercise
61 min run/11 min walk	9

Monday
Breakfast
2 cups Cheerios	6
3/4 cup Whole Milk	3

Lunch
Turkey Sausage Brown Rice Stuffing	9

Dinner
Onion, Red Pepper, and Zucchini Frittata	6
Roll	4

Snacks
English Muffin	3
Cheese	2
Turkey	1
Ruffles	3
Fudge	5
Candy Corn	2
Lowfat Cottage Cheese	2


Exercise
15 min walk	1

Tuesday
Breakfast
Cheerios & Milk	9

Lunch
English Muffin Sandwich	6
Ruffles	3

Dinner
Noodles	6
Asian Pork w/Mushrooms	6

Snacks
Low Fat Cottage Cheese	2
Fudge	3
Candy Corn	2
String Cheese	1
Cheerios & Milk	4


Wednesday
Breakfast
Cheerios & Milk	9

Lunch
english muffin sandwich	6
ruffles	3

Dinner
taco shells	4
3/4 c black beans	3
2 tbsp sour cream	1
cheese	3
beef	8

Snacks
string cheese	1
waffle	2
hershey bar	7
cottage cheese	2
fiber one bar	4

Exercise	4
32 min run

Thursday
Breakfast
cheerios & milk	9

Lunch
english muffin sandwich	6
ruffles	3
cottage cheese	2

Dinner
spaghetti	8
sauce	3
bread	4

Snacks
goldfish	3
candy	3

Exercise
52 min walk	4


Friday
Breakfast
cheerios & milk	9

Lunch
beef	7
honey wheat bread	8

Dinner
turkey chili	5
bread	3

Snack
pears	0

Exercise
38 min walk	3

Saturday
Breakfast
cheerios & milk	9

Lunch
turkey chili	5
bread	3

Snack
cheerios & milk	4

Dinner
general tso chicken	15
1 c brown rice	5

Exercise	9
walked 17 min
ran 55 min

Henry @ 15 & 16 Months

2011-11-17T14:10:00.001-05:00

Henry is 16 months now, but I missed the 15 month update so let's do a little of both. By the way, when do I stop saying his age in months?

At his 15 month checkup, Henry was 27.5 pounds and 32 inches tall. No more baby scale. He got to stand up on a regular one. We took him for his first kid's meal at Chick-fil-a that day, which he loved. Chick-fil-a has by far the best fruit cup: strawberries, grapes, apples, and mandarin oranges. Everywhere else wants to give you nothing but melons, which Henry likes just fine, but I say yuck. Henry would eat fruit all day if we didn't cut him off.

He's making lots of new noises now so I feel like talking can't be far off, but he hasn't added any new words this month. I do still occasionally get a Mama, but I'm not sure I count it yet. He has started turning the book right side up if I hand it to him upside down. He can go fetch lots of different things even if you ask him for a specific book. He's started climbing onto the couch by himself and I have to keep him from climbing right over the back.

For some strange reason if he decides to freak out in the car the only thing that will calm him down is me singing to him in all my tone deaf glory. I discovered soon after he was born that I don't know very many songs all the way through. Some nursery rhymes, a few songs from Vacation Bible School, and then I have to branch out into Christmas carols. I suppose that makes sense this time of year, but it didn't so much this summer.

He's obsessed with tractors.

We've been to a few more story times at the library. At the last one, Henry pulled two kids' hair and one grandma's, and tipped the tray of jingle bells over onto another child. We haven't been in a few weeks... I don't want it to sound like he's aggressive because he wasn't being at all malicious when he pulled the hair. I think he was trying to pet them.

That being said, he's still a biter. Sometimes he's just excited and bites. He's never bitten anyone besides Graham and I, thank goodness. Time outs seem to have no effect. He just likes to chew on things (and apparently his parents).

He's started fighting his car seat more frequently lately, but once he's strapped in, the tantrum usually stops immediately. Sometimes I'm amazed by this little person's capacity to make me so frustrated and so in love at the same time.

my little angel (most of the time anyway)

We got to go to Myrtle Beach last week. I've mentioned before that we have low expectations for vacations at this point, but the trip went well. The first night was about as we expected based on the trip we took with Henry to Florida when he was 8 months old (where he didn't sleep for a straight week, I left the happiest place on Earth in tears, and we took a visit to urgent care). But back to this story. We gave Henry the bedroom and we took the pull out couch. It just made more sense for us to still have access to the kitchen and bathroom after 7pm when he went to bed. Henry woke up four times our first night there, and during one of those times he was awake for two hours. The rest of the week was great though. Seemed to just need to get that out of his system, likely because he'd been couped up in the car for so many hours. He didn't fight any of his naps because he was so worn out from playing hard every day and only woke up a time or two for a diaper change at night.

He only attempted to eat sand a few times.

Vacations as a parent are much different than how we vacationed before Henry. We used to not view vacations as chances to relax but as a chance to cram in as much sightseeing as we could. Henry's internal clock didn't know about daylight savings time so there was no gaining an extra hour on that night. And he wound up getting up at 6am everyday instead of his usual 7am. Graham and I compensated by going to bed by 9pm every night, and even took naps some days. Since we were forced to take it slow, I completed four books on this trip and managed to run on the beach twice. Our idea of splurging was going to Wal-Mart and picking up Pop Tarts and Lucky Charms for Graham and Boone's Farm Sangria for me. I'm not sure what that says about us or if it has anything to do with us being parents...

Got this outfit for $1. I hadn't packed shorts since it was November.

I vote for only beach vacations from now on, at least when Henry Bear is involved. You can easily get back to your hotel room for a nap and back out again after. No admission fees. Henry never got bored. What could be better? Henry loved playing in the sand and there were even a few days warm enough he could put his feet in the ocean. We went to Ripley's Aquarium. I loved the shark exhibit, but the place was small. We were able to do the whole thing twice in the one hour we were there so it wasn't really worth the price. We really liked Alligator Adventure though. Henry got to pet a baby alligator and a snake and a turtle. Plus we got to come back a second day for free.

@ Alligator Adventure in Myrtle Beach

The only unfortunate incident on this trip occurred on the morning we left. Henry had waken up in the middle of the night and his pants had been a little wet so I didn't put them back on him. I couldn't find another pair stumbling around in the dark, and just put him back in his pack n play in his diaper. We awoke to a diaperless baby and poop in the pack n play. It was a tense time all around packing to leave.

I'm happy we had another week of warmer weather after we got back. It's going to be a long winter not being able to go for walks or play outside. Wow how that kid loves to play outside.

Oh, and I missed sharing since I haven't had a post in a month our love of Halloween. It is by far my favorite holiday, and we always try to make our own costumes. This year I used this Ninja Turtle costume I found as an inspiration for matching outfits for Henry and Graham. I was Rainbow Brite. (My dress was made out of a graduation gown.) I watched Rainbow Brite while I was working on our costumes one night, and almost picked another costume for myself it was so awful. Some things just aren't the same 25 years later. Graham, however, watched the entire Ninja Turtles trilogy and says they maintained their radicalness.

Cowabunga dude!

Go ninja, go ninja, go!

Heroes on a half shell

Keep It or Return It?

2011-10-14T13:45:00.000-04:00

"What I Wore Wednesday" is a weekly link up hosted by The Pleated Poppy to encourage everyone to get up and attempt to be cute every day even if you're just staying home. I was hoping if I started participating that I would (a) stop being so frumpy all the time and (b) get inspired to lose my last 25 pounds. I am really bad about barely looking in a mirror on most days so if I can make a habit out of participating in this and looking at a daily picture of myself, I think it will help with both. I linked up once and then went on vacation and now I plan to start again. I need something to jumpstart me. I'm having the toughest time getting back on the Weight Watchers wagon. I've been only logging my points like half of each week for the last 6 weeks or so. Thankfully I have not gained anything back, but I'm also not making progress.

Anyway, I have not taken any photos of what I actually wore this week and I'm aware it's no longer Wednesady, but I need you guys to help me decide if I should keep or return a few things I just bought. So how about "What I Bought Friday?" By the way, it is really hard to take a good picture of yourself in the mirror. The Henry-sized handprints all over it probably don't help...

I'm concerned this top makes me look bigger than I am because the outer shirt is so baggy. Also, does the flowery part make sense with the stripes? Thoughts?

I think I like this top, but I always need a second opinion.

I've had this white sweater for a while, but the ruffled navy tank is new. Does it look okay with the sweater? Also the jeans I'm wearing in all these pictures can be returned too. I was excited because they were only $16 and were comfy, but I worry they may be too big after I lose the next 5 pounds.

These are not new shoes, but I want to know if they look okay with these jeans? I cannot wear skinny jeans because I am not skinny. Frankly, I don't think I'll be the right shape for skinny jeans even if I become skinny, but that could be a whole other post...

I am very undecided on this top from Target. I'm just wearing a white tank under it, but I'm afraid it looks slouchy. What are my other options? (Or should I just return it or anything else above?) I'd rather know now before I pull tags off and wash everything.

And here's another question while I'm asking for advice. I love the look of leggings with a tunic or a dress. Everyone else looks so cute with it, but I always think I'll just look pregnant. Do you think I can pull it off?

I really wish I had a sense of style. I'm amazed at the ability people have to buy things from a thrift store and make them look better than if they'd gone out and bought retail. I'm especially impressed with New Dress a Day where she takes dresses from Goodwill and flea markets that are 30 years old and oversized and turns them into cute outfits. Oh to have that skill! I have signed up for a sewing class that starts next week so maybe I can at least learn to do some basic alterations.

Henry @ 14 Months - Part 2

2011-10-05T20:34:00.001-04:00

Henry is still doing new things all the time. Sometimes he's so sweet I want 10 more of him. Then I wonder how I could bare to split my time between my cuddly Henry and anyone else. In the midst of a tantrum five minutes later, I wonder why anyone ever has more than one child. But maybe if we had another one they could entertain each other...

Who wouldn't want 10 of this little guy?

His tantrums normally end pretty quickly at this point. I've found that if I don't try to distract him, but just let him yell about whatever it is and get it out of his system, it ends much more quickly like within 30 seconds. When he realizes I'm not going to engage him, he gets up and gives me a big smile like nothing happened and we move on.

Henry and I just took a two-week trip to Arkansas and he did surprisingly well (except for the plane ride there). While I was excited to see family, I was dreading the trip because we've not had a vacation with Henry be successful up until now and this one would be without Graham. I was worried that it would be more work than home since we were visiting grandparents whose homes hadn't been babyproofed in 20-25 years and Henry is the most curious creature that ever roamed the earth. But it was fine even though he did at one point manage to plug in something with a polarized plug while we were all looking the other way. How did he do that?

I'm so glad I went. My parents pulled out of storage just about every toy my brother and I ever owned. Henry loved getting to spend time with different people and I got to enjoy a bit of a break. He even went back to two naps a day instead of one while we were there. Oh, how I'd missed that second nap.

Feeding fish at the zoo with Grandma and Grandpa

Looking so tall @ Work with Granny

Ready to build with Papaw

What else is going on with Henry? He's started walking around on his tiptoes occasionally and is getting really good at pushing his cars around. I really do think that he's actually using "dad" to refer to Graham now and not just babbling it. He also says "hi" and "hey" a lot when he sees people or animals. He has nearly all his baby teeth. It's been tough that he tends to get like four of them at a time, but at least that means it's almost over. He recently experienced his first real case of diaper rash. It was very very pitiful, but Desitin is amazing. He has also taken to approaching people he's never met and offering them hugs. Maybe he thinks all women are grandmas now?

His dance moves are constantly evolving, but I've never seen him move like he did today when the Chipmunks singing "Single Ladies" came on Pandora. For a while there his signature move was swinging one arm back and forth in front of him like maybe he was going to a hoe down or something. Now that his hair is starting to grow out he really likes to shake his head back and forth so he can watch it move.

Occasionally I try to branch out and do something new with Henry and I'll check the local mommy networking site, that I know I swore I'd never do again. Some of them are meetups for the mommies to hang out in the mornings. You're supposed to let the kids run around Starbucks or wherever while you chat with the other mommies. Are other people really capable of going to events like this with their one-year-olds? Anytime I go anywhere with Henry I spend the majority of the time chasing him and keeping him out of danger. He would not be happy to sit in a high chair for an hour while I talked to other people.

Does this kid looks like he spends a lot of time sitting still?

I actually attempted volunteering to fold brochures at our church one morning because I thought surely we could manage that. We barely could. I wasn't much help. It was embarrassing. I haven't been back.

We went to story time at the library for the first time on Monday. It was a small group. I was surprised that I seemed to be the only one who didn't already know all the songs and hand motions. He's only fourteen months. Am I behind already on what I'm supposed to be teaching him? Have we not been properly socializing on the mommy and me circuit?

At the beginning of class, all the kids were sitting in their mommies' laps listening. Henry didn't make it midway through the first song before he decided to get in the middle of the rug to spin around in circles for everyone. Then he proceeded to run all around the room checking out another kid's stroller, trying to climb into adult-sized chairs, and walking up to all the other people in the class to say, "Hey," and wave his arms wildly. I couldn't help but picture Henry's first week of kindergarten when we'll get the note sent home asking us to look into ADHD medication...

Flying with a Toddler

2011-09-29T22:24:00.002-04:00

I'm going to be honest with you. I can't imagine that flying with a toddler would be fun under any circumstances and if you are able to skip it, skip it. I'd say whether or not the trip will go well for you is at least 95% completely random luck (at least if your kid is anything like mine). You, however, may have an angel baby that sits calmly in your lap for 3 hour stretches on a regular basis. If that's so, please leave your secret to that in the comments. Anyway, if you have an active little person that you must fly with, I do have some tips that may help.

My brilliant baby figured out how to unbuckle his seat belt before we even left the gate.

Flight #1

I just got back from a two-week trip with my son (14 months) just the two of us to see both sets of his grandparents. I'd flown alone with him before when he was almost 3 months and again with him and my husband when he was 5 months. The trips when he was smaller were much easier because he would sleep on me. He rarely does that anymore and when he does we're at home in the dark in a rocking chair. An airplane during the day with loud announcements, lots of strange people to look at, and rows of chairs about 8 inches apart does not provide the same ideal conditions.

On the first flight of this last trip he cried for about an hour and a half or as my dad says, "He cried for about 1000 miles." At one point he was screaming bloody murder on the floor completely inconsolable. I cried too. We'd pretty much gone through all my tricks before we even took off.

There was a very nice lady seated near us who tried to cheer him up throughout the flight, but she must have thought he was older because she kept telling him the plane was a flying horse. I couldn't break it to her that my child does not speak English (or...um...any language).

I thought we were almost ready to land when they announced we had 45 minutes left. How could that possibly be? I felt like we'd been on the plane for days. That much time left meant I couldn't wait until we landed to do a diaper change so I had to do it in the plane's tiny bathroom which did not have a changing table while he yelled at me like I was torturing him.

Not long after that I realized that he wanted more milk, and I knew he would not take the nap he so desperately needed unless he had some. I'd only brought one sippy-cupful because he normally doesn't have another until mid-afternoon and we were getting to our destination before lunchtime. By the way, how many of you knew they don't carry milk on the plane? I did not know that.

He kept getting angry that the sippy cup I was handing him was full of water instead of milk and wound up throwing the sippy cup and various toys and books. The boy has an arm on him so other passengers in all directions kept having to rescue our stuff and give it back to us.

Just as we began the descent he popped his head up and looked at me with a huge smile and sweetly said, "Hey," as if he hadn't seen me all day. Had he been possessed for the rest of the flight? But just as quickly as he'd come back, my Henry left again, only to return when we landed.

I thought we were going to have to stay in Arkansas until he turned five. I wasn't sure I could get back on a plane with him. And the prospect of a 15 hour drive didn't sound much more appealing.

Henry's feelings about the first flight.

Flight #2

If you must fly with a toddler, there is still hope for you. Our return flight was much better. Henry was his usual charming self instead of whoever he was on that other flight. This time I planned ahead and brought extra milk. However, he grabbed it out from under his stroller himself while we waited for boarding to begin. Sneaky little guy. He then decided to climb up into a stranger's lap to drink it. I'm amazed at his ability to instantly judge fun and less than fun people. The woman he chose was very friendly, loved holding him, and couldn't wait to have grandkids of her own. Then he picked out another woman who was about to become a grandma and talked to her until it was time to get on the plane where he smiled and high-fived the flight attendant, another grandma, who carried him for me as we found our seats.

The only time he got cranky on this second flight was when I had to do another diaper change. Seriously, it was a two hour flight. I should have been able to get through to the other side without having to change a diaper.

But after that he was fine again. He went back and forth between sitting in his own seat and sitting in my lap. I didn't buy him a ticket, but we were able to sit alone on both flights. He stood in the floor some and just played with his toys using the chair as a table.

I thought there might be trouble when we had to sit on the tarmac for 20 minutes after landing before we could go to our gate, but the people behind us decided to play hide and seek with him and he giggled and giggled.

This is what Henry Bears are supposed to look like.

So What Was the Difference?

I had toys and snacks for him on both flights, but I did get him a few new toys and books for the return trip because on the way there he had no interest whatsoever in the toys that are his favorites at home.

We had an earlier flight the second time. I think part of the problem on the first one was that it was in the middle of naptime and he just couldn't fall asleep with so much going on. If you have a child that can sleep anywhere then I think scheduling your flight during naptime is a good idea. If you have a child like Henry that needs it to be more peaceful, stay as far away from naptime as possible.

I think another major factor was that on the second flight I was in a better mood. I was already frazzled by the time I boarded the first flight. I was annoyed that no one was helpful at security. I had to juggle my toddler and his stroller, take off both our shoes, and unpack all his liquids, my camera, and my laptop. Henry's not the kind of kid who clings in a public space. He'll just bolt off to explore because he has no fear so I couldn't just sit him down. Then we had to walk forever to our gate and I was feeling rushed. When we got there I wanted to check in to see if we could sit alone. The woman at the gate just ignored me forever. I thought she was busy so I didn't mind. Then she finally told me I was at the wrong kiosk and referred me to a kiosk four feet away from her where no one was standing. Really? I didn't let Henry down to run around because it was so busy and I couldn't keep track of him running, the stroller, and our bag so he didn't get any playtime before the flight.

On flight #2, I had just gotten two weeks with lots of help from grandparents so I was about the most relaxed I've been since he was born. The airport was small and not at all busy and I was able to park the stroller and bag in a corner and let him run while I kept an eye on it. The gate attendant was very nice. And the flight attendant loved Henry and came by to talk to him several times. He really liked her. On the first flight, the only time I even saw a flight attendant was while they passed out the drinks towards the beginning (except for when I buzzed one to beg for milk).

So to recap:

Choose your flight time based on what you think will be better for your child, whether it's during or well away from naptime. Some people encourage giving babies Benadryl to knock them out. I think that's a bad idea. That is not what that medication is designed for and kids under two really aren't supposed to have it at all. People may think I'm silly for saying that, but I don't care.
Bring more than you need of everything. Your kid will eat more goldfish and drink more milk than usual.
Bring along a few new items. Even though Henry wants me to read him Go, Dog. Go! and Peekaboo Farm twenty-nine times before 8 am on a normal day, he couldn't have cared less about them on the flight.
Get to the airport early enough so your toddler can run around a little before the flight. He'll need to decompress after the long haul trip to the airport, through security, and to your gate.
Make small talk with the flight attendants as you board. Let them see how sweet your baby can be so they'll want to come interact with him later and help provide distraction.
Stay relaxed yourself as much as possible. Babies are super-sensitive to your mood. It's cliche but true that if mama's not happy, nobody is. So choose to be happy.

Blurb Scrapbook Review

2011-09-27T23:12:00.002-04:00

I finally got Henry's first year scrapbook in that I printed through Blurb. I figured up that I've probably got 200+ hours in that thing since I was learning Photoshop Elements as I created it. Then I wound up going back through everything twice after I finished designing. Once I went through it to check for typos and for anything that might be too close to the gutter between the pages (and to completely redesign a few layouts). Then I made a last minute decision to up the saturation on almost all the photos and went back through again. I think upping the saturation was a mistake on many of the photos. It looked great on screen, but any picture that was dark even a little bit on screen was definitely too dark in print. That's the major thing I learned from this round of printing.

Sometimes you have to get the ugly design out of the way before you get the good one.

Redesign a few months later using the same pictures.

Blurb BookSmart Program

For my book I designed my pages in Photoshop Elements and then used Blurb's BookSmart program to put them in order. I believe you can also use InDesign, but I don't have any experince with that so I stuck with Blurb's program. You download it to your computer and edit from there rather than working on your book online the way you do with Shutterfly. You also have the option of just dragging your photos into preloaded templates.

Blurb's program was very easy to work with. However, since my book was long and entirely made up of pictures, it often brought my computer to a halt while adding my pages. It's hard for me to work on just one thing at a time and not be able to run other programs in the background. I usually designed 20 pages or so and loaded them all at once rather than opening it frequently because its slow speed could be quite frustrating.

My final file wound up being 600MB and took 6 hours to upload to the Blurb website. I had to upload it overnight since I got kicked off twice trying to do it during the day, once because I turned on Pandora on another computer in the house and once because of my screensaver. I guess that would be an upside to uploading a page at a time on an internet-based site instead.

Cost

The cost for this book was about $100 + shipping, but Blurb frequently has 20% off codes. I used a Groupon. That got me a 112 page, 12" x 12" hardcover book with image wrap. They do offer other sizes and covers. That's far less than I would have spent paper scrapping by the time you print all the pictures especially if you do enlargements and purchase paper, stickers, adhesives, etc.

A similar book through Shutterfly right now would run you over $150, but they do often run 50% off codes as well as free shipping so Shutterfly would probably wind up a little less expensive in the long run. I've done a Shutterfly book before and I should probably give them another chance. It's hard to compare that book to this one that I have so much time in.

Quirky Thing

They require you to put their logo in the book two different places or pay a steep fee to take it out. I'm not a fan of this, but I guess it doesn't bother me too much. It would be more of an issue if you were selling books.

Cover

I'm super happy with the cover. It's more of a matte finish than I was expecting and I like it a lot. My one complaint is that I've only left the house with the book once and came home with a small scuff on the spine so I'm a little disappointed in that. But honestly, I'm probably going to just touch it up with a Sharpie. At least it wasn't on the actual picture part of the cover.

If Blurb had the option of printing a picture on the spine I would have done that so the image would have wrapped all the way around. As it is though, I'm glad the option wasn't there because it looks much better the way I wound up doing it. Had I used a photo on the spine, you couldn't have read the book's title.

I'm reprinting and moving Henry lower and farther from the edges.

View the Whole Book

Henry - Year One | Make Your Own Book

Print Quality

I waited to do this review because at first I wasn't sure I was okay with the pages and I needed to figure out why. Now that I've had the book a little while, I've decided that I would definitely recommend Blurb to others despite the fact that I feel some of my photos printed too dark or too red.

You can see in the samples below that the background colors printed very well so I know that any color issues on my pictures are issues with the pictures themselves and not Blurb's print job. The redness probably came from when I upped the saturation. And I had not printed any of the photos beforehand so it was hard to tell some of the pictures were too dark because like I said before they looked fine on screen.

And really after I got over being all hard on myself, most of the pictures look fine too. The majority of the photos that I'm disappointed in were the earlier ones I took. I was new to using the camera and we were also not using a flash on Henry as a newborn. Blurb can hardly be blamed for that and I've already touched those up and am getting ready to reprint this book through them again.

I wish I had better pictures of the physical book. I already gave the book to my mom (since of course it doesn't bother Granny that some of the pages aren't perfect) and I didn't look at these pictures on screen until after the fact. Hopefully these can still give you an idea of what Blurb is capable of.

Below, the background on the left page seemed too dark so you could barely see the dark on dark polka dots. On the page on the right all but one photo came out very red and dark.

This page shows the one mistake that was Blurb's fault, a black spot over Henry's eye in the shot second row from the bottom, second column from the right. I did not complain to customer service although I should have. I don't know if they would reprint the entire book for that or not. Of course it had to be on one of my top ten favorite pictures out of the hundreds in the book.

The colors on the page below were prettier in person than in this picture. You'll just have to trust me. It really does look like a paper scrapbook, but so much nicer in bound form than in those big bulky albums. I can't even express how much I have loved the switch from paper scrapbooking to digiscrap. I'll never go back.

Henry: 14 Months

2011-09-12T12:04:00.000-04:00

My baby is 14 months today. Some of Henry's favorite things right now are pushing his tractor around the yard, listening to Beach Boys Radio on Pandora, and popcorn shrimp. I packed away his 18 month clothes last week. The switching out of the clothes hasn't affected me that much since I packed his newborn clothes away at two weeks. He's getting too big.

He is becoming a total pro at throwing tantrums. The most common instigators are when we take something away from him or when he decides he's been in the grocery cart long enough and wants to run. When he's upset and standing, he now gently gets himself to the ground and lays his down before he starts kicking so he doesn't hurt himself. I mostly have no trouble getting him into his carseat or stroller, but when he doesn't want in, it is amazing how strong he can be for such a little person.

The worst thing he does about once a month is he'll gag himself and make himself throw up on purpose. I have no idea why. It seems to be to get attention, and I guess it's just something he can control. I have no real way to stop him. The other day he did it in the car on a road where I couldn't pull over. What is wrong with my crazy kid?

He's lucky he's cute.

I was rewarded for dealing with his spasticness with some Mama Mama Mamas the following morning, which I haven't heard before. I still don't think he was calling me Mama, just saying it but it was really really nice to hear. We usually just get Dad Dad Dads.

We're adjusting to just one nap a day most days. He simply refuses the second nap and will stay in there and fuss and yell for an hour when I try to get him to take it. I feel like he still needs it because he gets cranky late in the afternoon, but listening to him cry is too stressful so I'm going to stop doing it I guess. Listening to him cry makes me nauseous and I have hot flashes. It's terrible. If this baby wasn't such a snuggle bug the rest of the time, I don't know how I'd deal.

This kid is not afraid of anything. When I take him to the playground at the mall now I have trouble keeping him interested in the play equipment. He wants to go out into the mall. He wants to run. Why is there not a gate on the play area? He can't be the only one.

Graham has been teaching him to crawl down the stairs backwards instead of having us hold his hands while he walks down. He stops about 3 feet from the stairs and gets into crawling position to scoot back. Once he was so far away he stood back up and walked closer to the stairs to start over. It cracks me up.

He now not only climbs into and out of his Cozy Coupe, he also climbs on the outside of it stepping where the dashboard would be and holding on to the bars in front. My baby is a monkey.

Put me in the zoo!

We're taking a trip to Arkansas later this week to visit his grandparents. I'm hoping we survive the airplane trip. I have no idea how I'm going to keep him still and contained for two hours on my lap.

What I Wore Wednesday

2011-09-07T07:54:00.001-04:00

I stumbled on The Pleated Poppy last week, and I've decided to link up to Lindsey's What I Wore Wednesdays where lots of women share what they wore for the week. The goal is "to keep each other accountable to get out of our yoga pants and put a little bit of effort into ourselves."

This is exactly what I need. I'm adding Stop Being Frumpy to my list of 30 things before 30. I have a hard time letting myself spend money on something no one may see all day but my one-year-old. I guess I will also be seen by my grocery store cashier, the other moms with strollers when I take my mall walk, and more importantly my husband so I need to get it together.

I have been buying the bare minimum on clothes as I've been going through my weight loss journey because I hope to never return to those upper sizes. I know I'll see the size I am now again after my next pregnancy, though, so it's time to go shopping and start putting some thought into what I wear every day.

My current wardrobe rotation currently consists of about 5 t-shirts (mostly from 5Ks Graham and I ran 3 years ago), 2 pairs of shorts, and 1 pair of jeans. I don't think I have a single dress I could wear, no dress pants, and only one pair of khackis. These are all things I had from before I was pregnant. So I am happy that I'm at least back into my regular clothes. Pre-pregnancy I considered them my fat clothes. Now I guess they're my medium clothes.

I have not spent a lot of time looking in the mirror since I got pregnant with Henry nearly two years ago so a daily picture should be helpful for me in my effort to ditch my frumpy habits (like wearing running shoes with everything, letting my hair air dry, and leaving the house without make-up). Also I never accessorize and I'm aware I should probably stop wearing the brightly colored Old Navy flip flops that are about 5 years old. What is a stay-at-home mom supposed to wear when there's a guarantee that I'll have either bananas, snot, or both on my shirt by the end of the day? Can anyone really manage to wear a skirt or dress while chasing a thirteen-month-old?

Anyway without further ado, here is what I wore this week:

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

Pretend I'm not wearing a swimsuit underneath...and also pretend that I didn't wear it again on Monday after not getting dressed until 3pm.

Sunday

Time #2 for this pair of shorts.

Tuesday

That's 3 times wearing these shorts this week. I've never worn this shirt before. It's a hand-me-down from a friend that I never wear because I think it makes my arms look fat. It's weird that they have somehow managed not to get smaller while inches fall off everywhere else.

Anyway, I'm totally open to advice. Cheap places to shop, how to make some progress towards looking more put together. Help me!

Warrior Dash

2011-09-06T14:28:00.003-04:00

I can check off my first 30 Things Before 30 item. I completed Warrior Dash. I'd hoped to come in closer to 45 minutes, but we finished at 57. It was intense. My husband stayed with me on this race. We normally split up. I don't like to feel like I'm holding him up, and he doesn't like to be held up. But since this one involved obstacles, we thought it would be more fun together. You can see all the obstacles here.

Graham and I before the race. Notice how clean we are.

My biggest mistake with this one was not being prepared for the heat. Our start time was at 11am so it was like 90-95 degrees outside, and there was no shade at all for the first mile or so. That first mile is about all we ran. The first obstacle we came to was climbing over walls that were about chest high on me and then crawling under barbed wire. Over, under, over, under. By the time we got to the second obstacle, climbing in and out of (thankfully empty) dumpsters, I started feeling a bit dizzy, and all I could think of was that people had died from the heat at Warrior Dash in Kansas City.

I knew I had not had enough water to drink and I started holding myself back on the running because I was scared of making myself sick. They did have two water stops, and ordinarily that would be fine for a 5k, but with it being so hot, I really wish they'd had something set up like 3/4 of a mile in. It would have helped me. Next year, I might start out running with a water bottle. It would be nice if they came to the Carolinas in the fall instead of summer or if there had been a 6am start time too.

Freedom!!!

The third obstacle was climbing up a 15-20 foot wall using a rope. Thank goodness there were footholds. This one was definitely the most intimidating. I got to it and was afraid I might fall off. I had to stop and sit down for a second to compose myself. I wanted 2 minutes in the shade or a drink of water, but that was not available. Graham pointed out that the water was on the other side of the wall, and that was my motivation. When I got to the top, my bib got caught on the thing that was connecting the rope to the wall, and I had to rip half of it off my shirt before I could throw my leg over and climb down. That was a smidge scary. You know, there's no net. If you fall, you just fall. Once we got through that, I knew I could handle the rest of the obstacles, but I could not handle much more running.

As for the other obstacles: We walked up, over, and down some boards that were propped up on a bleacher-like structure. A tent was set up that we had to crawl on our hands and knees to pass through in the dark. We crawled over cargo nets that were stretched flat across some boards. We climbed up some tall steps and then slid down a fire pole.

Obstacle #8 was by far the most disgusting. It was a stagnant cow pond that was covered in green slimy algae, and we had to wade waist-deep through it crawling over logs. The worst part was that your feet were sinking in the muck at the bottom. Okay maybe it was a tie between that and the overpowering smell of horse poop. I was afraid of losing my shoe and therefore my timing chip, but I got out with both. Note to self: Lace your shoes tighter next year. After that we could see the finish. We had to climb up and down a tall cargo net, then some steps. Then we got to jump over fire before the crawl through the mud pit (under more barbed wire) to the end.

Graham kept his kilt on the whole race. (Purchased at Goodwill the night before)


I liked the obstacles better than the running.

Graham after his mud crawl.

My sister-in-law Sharon and our friend Beth getting each other to the finish.

After we'd already rinsed off once. That red clay is no joke.

We earned our viking horns.

We had to recycle our shoes afterward. There was no cleaning those up. I also made the mistake of wearing my watch. I'm still scraping mud out of the crevices.

I can't wait to do this next year! I know I'll be faster and stronger. It makes me pumped to start training for the half marathon in February.

Henry: Thirteen Months (Part 2)

2011-08-31T22:30:00.005-04:00

There's really only one thing I dislike about my stay-at-home-mommy job: when Henry refuses to take a nap when he really really needs one. Crying it out doesn't work sometimes and just makes us both crazy.

Everything else I LOVE.

He helps me with laundry now. He'll pull the clothes out of the hamper and if I put the stepstool over by the washer, he'll help me throw the clothes in. We're still working on loading the dryer. At first he just loved the door too much, and just wanted to open and close it over and over again. But now he desperately wants to climb in.

He loves to be outside exploring. We take lots of trips around the yard to pick up and throw gravel and pine cones. The kid has quite an arm. He also likes to point at birds and dogs and yell "Hey" at them.

When he needs help getting down from a step he throws one arm up. He does the same thing when he wants you to hand him something. Every morning when I get him out of the crib he starts off the day by throwing his arm out. He doesn't point at anything specific. I think he just wants to see what we'll hand him.

When I put him to bed a few nights ago, he snuggled up with his yellow ball. I went in to get him the next morning, and he threw it at me. Again, good arm.

He's finally able to climb up on a few things at the mall playground. I can't believe he's big enough for that. He really likes pushing his stroller around when the mall is empty.

He's starting to put his big Legos together. He's a genius. I can tell.

Oh and he has a fear of bubbles.

Inconceivable

2011-08-29T20:16:00.000-04:00

Inconceivable: A Medical Mistake, the Baby We Couldn't Keep, and Our Choice to Deliver the Ultimate Gift by Carolyn and Sean Savage

This book was heartbreaking. You may have heard this story a couple of years ago. Embryos were transferred into the wrong woman at a fertility clinic during in vitro fertilization resulting in a pregnancy. This book was written by the woman who received the embryos and her husband.

The Savages found out that the embryo wasn't theirs the day they found out Carolyn was pregnant so at least it wasn't a matter of finding out after they'd already brought a baby home. However, legal precedent showed that more than likely the genetic parents would win a custody case so they decided not to fight to keep the baby, but to deliver him and give him to the other couple. As Carolyn pointed out in the book, what's really crazy is that it would have been legal for her to terminate the pregnancy, but not to keep the baby. It's clear that they desperately wanted to keep this baby, but they gave him to the other family because that's what they would want the other family to do if the situation were reversed.

I've only read the Savages' side and not the book that the other family wrote, Misconception, but I can't help but feel the baby should have belonged to the Savages. Carolyn carried the baby risking her life and giving up her last chance at pregnancy since she was turning 40 that year and she had already had difficult pregnancies with her last two children. But at the same time, how would I feel knowing Henry's brother was being raised by someone else even if I wasn't the one to give birth to him?

This is really an unimaginable situation for both families. I've not dealt with infertility so it's hard to know to what lengths I would go to have a biological child. Having said that, I was surprised that the Savages decided to continue to pursue a biological child through a surrogate. They already had 3 biological children, and after all that had happened with this, I would have thought they'd either decide to stop and focus on them or adopt as that seems a more certain way to achieve expanding their family.

Again, this book was obviously written by the family who gave the child away without input from the family who received the child. But the other family, the Morrells, came across as sort of self-centered and ungrateful, and mostly concerned with the fact that they'd have to reveal that their twins were conceived by in vitro. I found that odd being that in vitro no longer seems uncommon, and I can't imagine anyone would care. While I understand how much they would want their privacy and for the son involved and their other children to have a normal life, something abnormal happened and I'm not sure it makes sense to pretend it didn't. The Savages seemed incredibly eager to participate in the baby's life, and it seems like it would make sense for the other family to encourage that. It might be better to embrace this extra family who cares so much rather than pretend it never happened.

Turning Twenty-Nine

2011-08-27T22:05:00.000-04:00

So yesterday was my birthday, and I feel the need to have a checklist to complete before I'm 30.

Section 1: Habits I Want to Form - Because it's time to be a grown up.

Floss daily. So yeah, my dental hygienist will be the only other person who cares, but I'm putting it on the list anyway because it really is a habit I want to form.
Follow FlyLady. If you've never heard of her, she basically has a system for housecleaning and decluttering. I enjoyed getting the emails for a while to get me motivated, but then they got to be repetitive so I unsubscribed (and got less vigilant on my cleaning so I guess they were working). I don't want anyone to think we're over here living in filth, but it's nice to have a schedule for when to do things like clean your refrigerator shelves, dust your ceiling fans, clean out your car, and other things that tend to get forgotten.

Section 2: Skills I Want to Learn - Henry and I are getting into a good groove right now and I figure I need to take my chance to experiment with things I'm interested in before we start working on Baby #2. I have a feeling all Mommy time might end after that.

Learn to cook. Let's face it. There's a difference between being able to fix dinner and being able to cook. I need to figure out the best way to approach this one though. Work my way through a cookbook? Pick a new food to cook with each week? Or by cooking style: grilling, baking, etc?
Learn to really use my camera. I want to get off the automatic settings and really experience what my camera can do. I know I can take better pictures. I just need to put the time in and learn it.

Section 3: Get Me Out of the House - Because Stay-at-Home-Mom doesn't mean I have to stay home all the time.

Lunch or night out with a friend once a week.
Playdate for Henry once a week.
Date night without Henry twice a month. This would be way more than we're going out currently. We may have to set up a rotation system of friends to call for free babysitting because it's amazing how expensive even a free night out can be if you have to pay a sitter. We've only actually paid one once since Henry was born. I'm starting to see the mistake we made moving halfway across the country from all grandparents at this point.
Get a passport and use it. I've only left the country once to go to Mexico back before you needed a passport. It was just right over the border. We even only went over during the day and slept in Texas at night. I'm considering tagging on to the end of one of Graham's trips to China in the near future.
Go on a cruise. (Send your recommendations if you have a favorite.)

Section 4: Let's Get Physical

Exercise at least 30 minutes a day 6 days a week. There is no excuse for me not getting out and at least taking a walk everyday.
Complete the Warrior Dash. This happens tomorrow. Graham and I are going to stick together for this race, which we never do. It's 3 miles with obstacles. I'm thinking the best we can do is 45 minutes so that's my goal on that one.
Complete Disney's Princess Half Marathon in Orlando in February. I know that I can finish because we've completed a marathon and half marathon before. But I walked and jogged on those and I would really like to run the whole thing this time. I feel like after that I could start saying I was a runner. For the full marathon, I hit the halfway point at 2 hours 57 minutes. And I finished the half marathon in 2 hours 50 minutes. I'll set a time goal closer to February after I get some training in, but I'd like to knock like 40 minutes off those times.
Complete the Cooper River Bridge Run in Charleston in March. I wouldn't have thought this one would be so challenging until we took a walk on the bridge a couple of years ago. It's a big bridge and a big incline.
Make it to goal weight. When I stick to the Weight Watchers plan I lose 1-2 pounds a week. Lately I'm like 2 weeks on/one week off so it's been really slow going. I want to commit to sticking to the plan until I lose this last 25 pounds and get to goal weight. Compared to the 70 pounds I've already lost post-pregnancy, I'm really close and shouldn't be dragging it out.
Learn how to maintain goal weight. I've reached goal weight before, but I never focus on the maintenance part of the Weight Watchers plan and eventually gain 15-20 pounds back, more the last time right before I got pregnant. I'm tired of all the up and down. It ends this year.
Start trying for Baby #2 (probably after all other tasks are completed). I still don't feel baby fever yet. I still have a baby so I don't miss that phase yet and I certainly don't miss pregnancy. It just hasn't been long enough yet for me, but right now I think 3 years between siblings sounds good so that's the goal.

Section 5: Improve My Mind

Read a book each week. Sometimes I feel like the only intellectual stimulation I get is listening to NPR on the way to the grocery store so I need to make a point to feed my mind.
Have Bible study time daily. I've never been able to maintain this, but if I put it out there that I'm trying to do it, I might be more likely to stick with it.
Blogging 3 times a week. Another thing that's just good for getting my mind moving. No more mushy mommy brain.
Writing something daily on days I don't blog. Writing things out helps me to not stress about things that don't matter.
Become more politically aware and involved. I want to start voting in all elections, not just presidential ones. I just don't feel like I know enough about what's going on in the world. Some people hate to hear about politics and think it doesn't matter. That's just silly. Decisions these people make affect everything, and I can't complain about the way things are if I don't participate.

Section 6: Get Paid - Extra money to put toward babysitting so Graham and I can actually start going out on dates would be pretty awesome.

Find a way to get paid to scrapbook. I would really like to start making scrapbooks for other people. Also in digital scrapbooking, designers have what they call creative teams that take their scrapbook kits and design pages with them and then get paid in more scrapbook kits. I'd be interested in that. I might count getting paid in product as fulfilling this task.
Get a piece of writing published. I don't know why I'm a little embarrassed to admit that this a goal of mine, but I am. Maybe because writing seems a bit personal, but hey I'm blogging so I guess I'm over it.

I'm thinking I'd like to aim for 30 things before 30 as my blogging theme for the year, but I still have a few open slots so feel free to make suggestions for the last 8.

Henry: Thirteen Months

2011-08-24T15:23:00.004-04:00

I cannot get over how much Henry understands now. For the last 6 weeks or so it seems like everyday there's something new that he seems to get. For example, one day I was singing along with the radio and he brought me his toy microphone to use. When I fix him a sippy cup of milk he goes and waits by the chair we always drink milk in. He knows which boxes contain goldfish and cheerios and triscuits. And anytime one of us puts our shoes on he goes over and sits down in front of the door to block it and to make sure he gets to go too. His favorite parent is the one who might take him outside.

I can see how some rules would be confusing to him. We clap when he throws a ball, but are not at all happy when he throws cars. It's okay to hit some things like drums, but it's not okay to hit people. I'm always trying to get him to push buttons and flip switches on this one toy, but if he pushes the button on the television he gets a time out.

He does know how much it bothers us for him to touch the trash can and if he doesn't feel we are paying him enough attention (while cooking dinner or - God forbid - taking a 45 second bathroom trip) then he will bang on the lid of the trash can until we interact with him.

He's not saying any words yet at least where he's actually referring to the thing he says. Although sometimes when I ask him to say Mom, he excitedly shouts, "Dad, dad, dad!" and I do wonder if he's doing it to mess with me.

For the most part he eats at least a little bit of whatever we're eating. And the kid is obsessed with all fruit. When he sees me pull out an apple to slice it, he almost jumps out of his chair.

His favorite things are his board books right now. He'll bring the same ones to me over and over and over to tell him what the pictures are. The best ones are the ones with the flaps or that have a texture he can feel. The only story books he likes to hear are "Go, Dog. Go!" and "Put Me in the Zoo." I can do those without opening the book at this point.

We had such a successful playdate a few weeks ago, that I was feeling brave and got on a local mommy networking site to meet up with a group we didn't know. We won't be doing that again. I pulled up just after another mom. We were clearly going to the same house that had ten other cars in the driveway. My reaction had I been her would have been to slow down, introduce myself, and walk in together. She just booked it toward the house. I sort of called out to her that we must both be going to the playdate. Still no slow down on her part just a reply that was basically yes that's where they were going. I caught up with her by the time we were at the door and we traded names.

We went inside and there were moms and babies everywhere on the floor and a normal level of chaos for that many one-year-olds. I expected the person whose house it was to at least acknowledge that we'd never met and introduce herself even if she didn't introduce me to anyone else. She did eventually speak to me, but I'd probably been there thirty minutes at that point. The only empty spot was next to the woman who had kind of blown me off on the way in. I sat down and leaned over to ask if everyone already knew each other. She said, "Yes," and then the woman next to her gave me her name and that was it. No follow up with "How old is yours?" "What neighborhood do you live in?" Nothing. I'm certainly no social butterfly, but I gave a real effort to speak to a few people and got nowhere.

Henry was having a fun enough time, but really at this age they just play near each other, not with each other. This is more for the moms, and it felt even more lonely there than staying home. I guess from now on I'll stick with meeting moms the old-fashioned way. I'm trying to give them all the benefit of the doubt that they might be nice enough one on one, but as a group it was a flop. And don't even get me started on the fact that one mom brought her obviously sick child with a face covered in snot. Who does that, especially at an age where they're all putting everything in their mouths?

On a sweeter note, for a while now he's been giving kisses to some of his stuffed animals, mostly his giant bumble bee. Sometimes he waves at that one too. But he only kisses us when he's feeling especially lovey. There was one rough day last week that had been cranky for both of us. I'd given him his last milk of the day and we were snuggling before I put him in the crib and I was telling him how I was sorry we had both been frustrated and that tomorrow would be better and so on and so on. And he pulls his head back off my shoulder, looks at me, gives me a kiss, and then a big hug like he totally understood everything I'd just said. It was my favorite mommy moment so far.

Book Reviews: Sarah Palin, etc.

2011-07-25T19:59:00.000-04:00

I've started making more frequent trips to the library again. I'd stopped for a while since I still have a hundred or so books on my Kindle to get through. I've only actually paid for two ebooks in the year I've had it. There are so many classics I've never read and those are all free downloads. I recently read "Jane Eyre" for the first time, and had mixed feelings on it. I loved Jane but found Mr. Rochester sort of creepy.

My first purchased ebook was "The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperative One- to Four-Year Old." I was thoroughly unimpressed. Maybe the advice will be more effective when Henry's a bit bigger, although I doubt it. I'm not thinking instructions such as let your child win 90% of the time are a great idea.

I did like my other purchase, "Water for Elephants," about a guy who ran away to join the circus during the depression era. For some reason I pictured the old version of Jacob as Andy Griffith in my head even though Robert Pattinson was young Jacob. I plan to see it when it comes out on DVD or more likely Netflix instant play since we'll be dropping the DVD option when the price goes up in September. We can never remember to mail the DVDs back or manage the queue anyway.

My latest read was Sarah Palin's "America by Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith, and Flag." I didn't read the cover (or even the title) before I picked it up, just got it based on Palin's face on the cover. This is because my new method of choosing books is to grab anything that looks interesting in passing as I chase my toddler through the library. Today he tried to hijack a book cart while the librarian wasn't looking. This brings me back to my one takeaway from "Happiest Toddler." It said to let your child down somewhere semi-crowded and based on his reaction you can pretty much tell if your kid is easy, shy, or spirited. Mine's spirited. Great.

Anyway, back to "America by Heart." Her main points were that liberals don't think America is number one and that the country was founded on Christianity. I found all the remarks about liberals not being proud of America less than helpful. Like we need to be more divisive right now and like anyone is running for office who doesn't care about their country.

I've not been a Palin fan. I didn't think she was a good pick for McCain's running mate in 2008. I was more inclined to support him until that choice. I felt she was too inexperienced for the White House. She was portrayed as a hockey mom everyday sort of gal, but my thought was I don't want an everyday person. I want someone who knows what's going on. By reading this book, I wanted a chance to hear out her thoughts and suggested solutions on specific issues and was disappointed that there wasn't any of that in this book. I was hoping to read about Palin's views, but this book was mostly just excerpts from other people's books and speeches. I don't recommend it. I haven't read "Going Rogue." Maybe it's better?

Mommy Needs a Time Out

2011-07-14T22:35:00.000-04:00

**I'd like to preface this post with the fact that I love my baby boy more than anything and I'm well aware of how blessed I am to have him and that I'm able to stay home with him. I wrote this about two weeks ago, but couldn't decide whether or not to post it. After thinking about it some more, I'm going ahead though because I think your kid driving you nuts is just another part of motherhood, and I can't be the only one who feels this way.**

First time eating spaghetti.

As we're approaching the one year mark, I'm starting to go stir crazy. I've made it through nearly 12 months of sleepless nights and endless feedings and diaper changes, but the last few weeks have begun to drive me mad. Henry has decided he generally only wants to take one single 1-2 hour nap a day instead of two, which would be fine if he was not then severely cranky for the last 6 hours of the day.

Henry was an easy baby. When people used to say parenting was the hardest thing they'd ever done, I was confused because it was not the hardest thing I'd ever done. He started out sleeping 3-4 hour stretches as soon as we got home from the hospital, and was sleeping 9-10 hour stretches at 6 weeks. My house was cleaner that it had ever been. I was able to read. And things were still going great even when he forgot how to sleep through the night around 4 months.

But then we began the toddler phase. Part of me still holds out hope that we're getting the terrible twos out of the way early. If this is going to be what it's like until he's three, I don't know what I'll do. The whining. Oh, the whining. I can feel my brain turning to mush as he melts down because I did something truly terrible like closing the dishwasher without his permission.

Okay, so I actually spilled these...

I'm ashamed that there are days when all I can think about is nap time. I always have big plans. I'll paint a wall. I'll learn how to make something new for dinner. I'll get the bathrooms clean. But mostly, I veg out because I know I won't get another moment to myself until bedtime. I have trouble completing projects because by the time he's down for the night, and I've gone for a run, it's almost bed time for me too. I can't seem to manage to get the house clean because there is a never-ending trail of Cheerios to sweep up, and it seems to me there's always more dinner on the floor than in Henry's tummy. Sometimes I feel like someone must be sneaking dirty bottles into the sink because how could there possibly be more to wash?

I felt like I was doing a really good job as Mommy before, but now I don't. Good mommies don't get this frustrated with an eleven month old. Good mommies have spotless houses. And good mommies' kids never whine. Right?

Henry lights up when Graham gets home. He hears the key in the lock and starts looking around for him, then gives him a huge smile and practically runs to him. I'm so jealous it hurts. I guess he can't miss me if I'm always here. What do I do about that?

**It's always something, but mostly during this phase, I think trying to switch to milk too early was to blame. Things are much improved now for the most part, although wow this kid is vocal about his opinions. It should be interesting when he can actually use words. While I was experiencing this burnout period, I signed up for a girls' weekend. I've never left Henry for more than a few hours so we'll see how that goes.**

Woman's Right to Know Act & Planned Parentood

2011-06-19T21:24:00.000-04:00

The North Carolina legislature recently approved the Woman's Right to Know Act. It has not yet been approved or vetoed by Governor Perdue. The purpose of the law is that it is "an act to require a twenty-four-hour waiting period and the informed consent of a pregnant woman before an abortion may be performed." I'm in favor and don't see a drawback.

Informed consent involves making materials available that inform the woman of brain, heart, and other development of the fetus including pictures or drawings of typical growth. It also requires that a doctor do an ultrasound and explain what it shows, and the woman has the option to hear the heartbeat. Pro-choice advocates are saying that this is manipulating women to not have abortions. I feel like the only way someone would consent to an abortion is if they believed life had not yet begun. How could you destroy your own baby otherwise? I'm completely okay with this convincing women that a fetus is a life that should be spared.

The other part of informed consent is informing the woman that medical assistance may be available, that public assistance may be available, and that the father is liable for child support. Many women in this position think abortion is their only alternative, and that's not true. If having these facts changes someone's mind, isn't that a good thing? I can't imagine that pro-choice advocates want there to be more abortion.

As for the 24 hour waiting period, opponents feel this will be a burden to women in rural areas who have to travel twice. My thought is what other procedure do you go in for the same day with no prior consultation?

Another concern is that women would have to also pay for this ultrasound on top of the cost of the abortion. The law says that women will be provided with a list of agencies that will perform an ultrasound and heart tone monitoring for free.

What I don't agree with is that the budget recently approved by the state legislature cuts all funding to Planned Parenthood. I am pro-life and don't like that they provide abortions, but they also provide "affordable birth control, preventative health care and family planning services to over 25,000 men and women. Without the $434,000 a year it usually receives in state and federal funds, Planned Parenthood says it will now have to axe its teen pregnancy prevention and adolescent parenting programs and force its low-income patients to pay out of pocket." If what we want is fewer or no abortions, we have to help prevent the unwanted pregnancies from happening in the first place.

Henry's World: 11 Months

2011-06-15T21:27:00.000-04:00

I cannot believe it is less than a month until Henry's first birthday. I feel like he's hitting new milestones almost every day. He's walking now, and not just a few steps, but all over the place. Since he's become mobile, he's into everything. Babyproofing isn't just something you do once. It's constant. Every time you walk into a room, you have to sweep it for potential hazards. Some things you don't see coming like the fact that my kid wants to chew on cabinet knobs and door stops and the couch. And he likes to give sloppy open mouth kisses to the baby in the mirror. And he's amazing at locating any specks of dirt, tiny scraps of paper, or carpet fibers I miss while cleaning.

As much as he likes to bite and chew, we had no trouble at all getting rid of the paci. He only used it for naps and bedtime. I didn't even carry it with us when we left the house. He had allergies and was breathing through his mouth for a couple of nights about a month ago and so he wouldn't take it. When he felt better I realized there was no reason to reintroduce it.

He's not doing baby food any more. He wants to feed himself at the table and aside from all forms of fruit, his favorite things are taco meat and grilled chicken. He will not give himself a bottle, however. The other day Graham handed it to him. He took a sip or two and then handed it back to Graham and opened his mouth really wide like, "Hey, this is your job." So it's awesome to be able to sit down to dinner and not have to spoon feed him. Meanwhile the cleanup time has increased exponentially.

We finally have him sleeping through the night about 7pm-7am. We'd gotten naptime figured out, but we never could cut out that one middle of the night feeding. The first night that we decided to not feed him, I didn't sleep at all. I just knew he was going to wake up as soon as I started to snooze and scream bloody murder for 4 hours because we wouldn't give him a bottle. He didn't. He woke up twice, cried for 15 minutes each time, and that was it.

I love that he's still a major snuggle bug. What I am not a major fan of is the whining that has come with this stage. He'll play by himself pretty well for short bursts, but when he gets bored he gets fussy. For a while there we were going to the playground at the mall nearly every day. Now school's out so there are a few too many big kids. But for several weeks it was perfect. We'd go right after they cleaned it every day, and Henry loved watching all the big kids run around. I really think that's what made him motivated to start walking and to start climbing. The kid can get himself up and down off a step stool standing up, at least if it's in a corner so he can use a wall for balance. That's probably normal, but I'm totally impressed.

We're still on the lookout for other things to do during the day because Henry loves to be out of the house. I went to a meet up at Barnes and Noble story time on Monday, but it was a fail. Did I really think this kid was going to sit still for a story for a stranger in a room full of kids if he won't sit still for a story for me at bedtime? And on top of that, story time at a bookstore is surrounded by bookshelves, his favorite thing ever to destroy. Silly Mommy.

How to Start Digital Scrapbooking

2011-06-03T16:24:00.000-04:00

Background, Blue, and Green Papers: Old Man Winter by Rebecca PSP
Date Element: Resolution by Aprilisa
Heart: Blooming Hearts by The Scrappy Kat
Fonts: St. Nicholas and Just the Way You Are

Why Choose Digital Over Paper Scrapbooking
I love to do paper scrapbooking, but I had stopped for a couple of years because it had become inconvenient to do it unless I had a whole afternoon available. If I only had half an hour to work on a page, I could easily spend the entire time just dragging out all my supplies and putting them away. When you go digital, all you have to do is open and close your laptop. All your scrapbooking time can actually be spent scrapbooking.

With digital, you can have the perfect colors and the perfect sizes every time. Rather than having to figure out which pictures to print 4x6, 5x7, 8x10 before you even get started, you can resize everything as you go until it looks right. If you want the background paper to match your kid's shoe and then change your mind to your niece's hair bow and then switch to your husband's t-shirt, you can do that in like 5 seconds.

Zebra paper: Animal Fur by Marie Stone
Gray Paper: Funky Easter by Jamie Dell Scraps
Font: Wickop Handwriting

Some people may say that they wouldn't want to go digital because they would miss the process of actually cutting paper, gluing embellishments, and sticking stickers, etc. I thought I would miss it too. But it was like switching to my beloved Kindle. Once I made the change, it just made everything so much simpler, hundreds of books and thousands of scrapbook supplies at my fingertips.

As I mentioned, storing supplies is much easier, but so is storing the finished product. 12x12 scrapbooks can be so bulky on a shelf. A bound book, even if it's still that larger size, will lay flatter and, in my opinion, look nicer on display.

How to Get Digital Scrapbooking Supplies
I have run across hundreds of places to purchase digital scrapbook supplies. A quick Google search will bring you tons of results. When I first started looking into this, I could not believe that you could buy digital paper, stickers, ribbons, everything really that you can purchase for a regular scrapbook. There is some really cool stuff out there. It's priced less than you'd spend on physical supplies and you can use the same stuff over and over again in different ways. You can't use up digital paper. It's yours forever to use as many times as you want.

Background and Ribbon: Fresh by Delicious Scraps
Water Splash: Rainy Day by Sprouting Seeds Studio
Font: Billo

Before you start buying up supplies, though, see what you can find for free. I am actually doing Henry's entire first year album without purchasing any supplies. My only cost will be what I paid for Photoshop Elements (about $70) and printing the book through Blurb (less than $1 per page). So in the end, this will actually cost less than if I was doing a paper scrapbook.

There are people who have created some amazing stuff, and I'm not encouraging piracy in any way. People deserve to be paid for their hard work. That being said, if you're getting started with this as a new hobby, downloading some freebie supplies is a good way to go to test out digital and make sure you're really interested before you spend a lot of money. Most places that sell supplies also give away freebies on their blog weekly or at least monthly. These freebies could be a few papers, an alphabet, or they could be entire kits of matching stuff. You get a chance to test a store's quality before you buy.

To find freebies, I encourage you to start with blog trains. Blog trains are where several designers get together and create supplies that use the same them and coordinating colors. The biggest I've found is The Blog Train Blog. It has 100+ designers participate every other month. You click on the first website and then you should be able to follow links throughout the entire blog train. As you go through the train, download anything you see you like and while you're on each site use their search tool to find any previous freebies they've had. Many designers only leave their freebies up for a month, but many also leave them up forever so it doesn't hurt to check.

My advice is don't download everything you find. Be picky. There's tons of stuff out there. Only take stuff you love. And remember you're going to have to organize everything in a way you can find it. If you start off with too much, stuff it will become just as inconvenient as paper scrapping because you'll never be able to find that one paper you downloaded and hid somewhere on your hard drive. I'll do a separate post later on how I organize.

If You Think You Aren't Creative
I admit that there is a bit of a learning curve to learning Photoshop Elements, but there are tons of free tutorials online to get you started. I learn something new every week.

There are also what are called Quick Page Templates that you can download from different websites. They're layered files where you don't have to do the designing part. There are some where you just attach your pictures and change the title and you're done, and others where you also pick out papers for each layer. I've only used a couple of these, but I found a lot of really neat ones at MJ-AJ Designs.

It also helps to scraplift or take ideas from other people's pages. People seem to generally not mind as long as you give them credit if you happen to repost your layout in an online gallery. You can copy a design exactly or just the colors or the shapes. One great place to find tons of layouts to get inspired by is Scrapbook.com.

I scraplifted this design from Jessica Sprague. Downloaded the scalloped circles from her site.
Plaid, Circle, and Green papers and alpha: Two Soon by Shabby Princess
Ric Rac: Just Because by Marie Stone
Font: Hand of Sean

Who Else Is Doing This?
If anyone else is interested in or is already doing digital scrapbooking, I'd love to talk about it. Just message me or comment.

Triple Coupons & Coupon Tips

2011-05-24T22:24:00.000-04:00

Last week I got to do triple coupons for the first time at Harris Teeter. I had planned ahead and got all the coupons I planned to use in order, but when the day came I did not think it was going to go well. I'm still a little slow at couponing at Harris Teeter because I used to only shop at Bi-Lo, and things are not in the same order. I wind up doing a lot of backtracking so I was afraid Henry might not last through it. My plan had been to get up early and go first thing on the first morning of triple coupons before Graham went to work so I could go without Henry, but then he uncharacteristically woke up at 2am and stayed awake for 45 minutes the night before. So I slept just long enough to miss my window and had to take him with me. He was really good though, and the only thing they were out of was Multi-grain Cheerios. I got everything in this picture for $11.86. Full retail would have been $57.36. That's 79% or $45.50 savings. To put the cost of these items in perspective: I spent $12 on another grocery trip and only got bread, meat, cheese, and honey. So look at all this stuff!

Getting Started Tips:

Get a Sunday newspaper subscription. When I signed up (in the grocery store), they charged $32 for three months. Then they gave me a $20 Bi-Lo giftcard. So it only cost $12 and paid for itself very quickly.

Don't clip your coupons as soon as you get the paper! File the entire insert away by date and start checking Southernsavers.com daily. She matches the coupons to the sales and tells you which insert you need to clip from. This way you only have to clip coupons you actually use saving you lots of time. You can even print out shopping lists on this site.

If you do decide to clip coupons rather than just saving entire inserts, don't just clip coupons for products you normally buy. Even clip ones you'd only use if the product was completely free because sometimes that happens with double and triple coupons.

Pick just one or two stores to coupon at or you'll drive yourself nuts with all the available sales. I only do Harris Teeter and Bi-Lo and still wound up going to the grocery store like 5 times last week. To to be honest, that was more about getting out of the house than catching a deal, but anyway. Check to see if any stores in your area do double coupons everyday. If you do most of your shopping for items that are on sale, you'll often save more money at a grocery store than if you always shop at Wal-Mart plus there's no temptation to throw $5 DVDs in your cart.

Learn the coupon policies. There can be quirky things like only 20 coupons per day or that you can use a manufacturer coupon plus a store coupon for even more savings.

Plan ahead organizing your grocery list and coupons by the order you'll come across items in the store so you can double check that everything matches up, especially if you're shopping with someone with a short attention span (like your husband). Henry has been very patient so far. Graham tends to sneak extra things in the cart (like $5 DVDs) so I try to leave him at home.

Subscribe to All You Magazine. It is supposed to come loaded with coupons. I still haven't gotten my first issue yet. It takes like 8-10 weeks for your first issue to come so sign up for it as soon as you can. I was able to find a two year subscription for $25.

There are lots of places to print coupons online while you're building up your stash of newspaper coupons. Often liking a product on Facebook will get you access to coupons.

It does take more time than just going to the store, but if you've got some time so far it seems to be worth it. I'll update at the end of the month whether or not we wind up better than our normal grocery spending average.

Lost All My Pregnancy Weight

2011-05-16T21:07:00.000-04:00

You're supposed to gain 25-35 pounds during pregnancy. I gained 60, and I had put on 35 pounds before that while I was just thinking about being pregnant. So on the day Henry was born I was 95 pounds over goal. Yesterday I officially lost all my pregnancy weight. Twenty-three pounds came off on its own within the first two weeks after delivery. Then it took me 9 1/2 months to lose the next 37 pounds through Weight Watchers.

I've been fighting the last 2 pounds for about a month, not because I hit a plateau, but because I got slack. I love the Weight Watchers program, and it works really well when you stick to it. I honestly have nothing negative to say about it. I don't feel deprived when I'm on it or anything. Sometimes it just gets to be a drag to always have to think about points values. The same would be true for any program. I hate that I'm not able to just eat and not think about it. It doesn't help that my husband can eat like a hobbit (breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner, supper...) and never exercise and not gain weight. I really hope Henry gets his metabolism. I don't want him to have to deal with this.

Often when I talk about this, the response I get is that now I have this beautiful baby boy. Well of course I do, but my excessive weight gain is certainly not his fault. I ate too much and exercised too little. If I had started out the size I was supposed to be and gained the amount I was supposed to gain, I would have been this size at the end of the pregnancy, not at the beginning.

I'm super embarrassed by how much weight I put on, but I also know I'm not the only person dealing with a lifelong weight struggle so hopefully by talking about it, I can help someone else to at least know they're not alone. I will probably do a lot of posts about Weight Watchers. Since I've been on and off the program for nearly 9 years, I could talk about it for days. Each time I do the program, I make more positive changes, but ultimately I've always treated it as a diet, not a lifestyle, which is what it's going to have to be for me to keep the weight off. This is not something that I just need to do until I reach my goal. This is something I'm going to have to do for the rest of my life. My biggest problem is that I've never learned to maintain. I'm really hoping this time I will. I don't ever want to have to lose this much weight again.

You can see in the picture above that right after Henry was born, I still looked so very pregnant. I was not prepared for that. Then in October I had my high school reunion. I'd been at goal often during my 10 years since graduation, but of course I had just put away my maternity pants when it was time for this event. Very sad.

The picture to the left is from the Disneyland Half Marathon in 2009. In my head I looked like I actually looked at 185.My perception of myself was off by 35-45 pounds. That's really the reason I've never been able to maintain. I never realize I've gotten where I want to be until it's too late and I've gained 20 pounds back.

Destined to be Rotten?

2011-05-11T19:31:00.000-04:00

I'm aware that I'm not a super patient person so I was feeling really proud of myself for having all this patience with Henry up until he turned about 9 months. His crying rarely ever made me feel frustrated with him. I felt nothing but empathy. But then he began to learn the art of throwing a fit. I was under the impression that he'd be older before this happened. Silly me. I did not realize that he was going to start this before he was old enough to really be disciplined in any way.

This should contain him for a minute.

One of my biggest fears is raising a bratty kid or, worse than that, having a bratty kid and not knowing it. One of the constant refrains I heard from parents to excuse their kid's crazy behavior when I worked at that portrait studio was, "He's only 2," which of course gradually turned into, "He's only 6." So I'm a little scared I might already be setting up bad habits or something. But I really don't think there's much I can do yet besides distract him. They are highly distractable at this age so it's fairly easy to do. It can just be exhausting on days when it seems he's constantly into things he shouldn't be.

Telling him, "No," doesn't phase him at all. Maybe I'm not being stern enough, but it's not working for me. And from what I've read, at this age even if he did stop when I asked him to, he'd shortly forget that he wasn't supposed to do it and probably do it again anyway. So I think he's still months away from something like a time out being effective. And even if I decided to do that, where would I put him? I certainly don't want him to associate his crib with punishment now that he finally happily lays down to sleep without a fight.

On a side note, maybe I'm stupid, but I don't understand how time out works anyway. If you can't get the kid to listen to you about whatever issue is being an issue, how can you get them to listen to you about staying put in a time out spot? Why don't they just walk away from the spot?

Covered in Crumbs from Dinner

Anyway, don't get me wrong. He's a great baby, and probably even an easy baby, but the fussiness is trying really hard right now to cancel out all the cool new things he can do like giving big hugs and crawling to you when you call him. The sweet kisses are worth it even if he does bite me about 75% of the time now. That's another thing I didn't know came now. I didn't know biting was a teething issue. I thought it came later when they were acting out at preschool. All I want is to be able to change his diaper without him crawling away as soon as I get the dirty one off. All I want is to be able to feed him dinner without it ending up all over me. All I want is for my kid to stop chewing on the furniture. Is that so much to ask? Probably.

I know that he just does the fit throwing because there's something he wants, he's upset that I took it away, and he just doesn't understand. I'm such a mean Mommy not letting him play with phone cords and trash cans. It's made for some long days lately. What I asked for and got for Mother's Day was a day off. On Saturday I went to the library for 6 hours (until they closed) and scrapbooked. It was great.

I love staying home with Henry. I'm really really happy I'm doing it, but I could use a couple of hours off every week to preserve my sanity. I need to figure out what I can do to get out of the house and socialize with grown ups occasionally. Trips to the grocery store aren't cutting it.

The Birther Issue

2011-05-08T10:30:00.000-04:00

I know this is almost outdated at this point, but I'd wanted to post on this for a while and it's naptime so here it goes.

I was surprised to read in the paper a couple of weeks ago how many people believed President Obama was not born in America. I thought this was just a fringe issue raised by crazies like those who believe he may be the antichrist. But no, "In the latest New York Times-CBS News poll, 45 percent of adult Republicans said they believe Obama was born in another country," and "Ten percent of Decomcrats said Obama was born overseas."

After the long version of the birth certificate was released, people were still not convinced. "Rep. Leo Berman wants to know why the hospital where the president was allegedly born doesn't have a 'plaque on the door' commemorating the event."

I appreciated that the president had a sense of humor about it. "He said Trump could now focus on the serious issues: 'Did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?'"

There was one thing I thought was very interesting that never got brought up in 2008. John McCain was actually not born in America, and no one cares. He was born in the Panama Canal Zone. He was certainly still eligible for the job because the truth is, you don't necessarily have to be born here to be president. But seriously, if people are so concerned why was there no talk of it?

I agree with what President Obama said on Oprah: "We are living in a very serious time, and America has huge potential and opportunity to seize the 21st century. We're only going to get there, though, if we have a serious conversation about the things that matter to people—jobs and gas prices, and how do we bring down the deficit? How do we deal with all the changes going on around the world? We can't be distracted by sideshows..."

On the 2012 election: "What I want to do is make sure that it doesn't get personal and that the focus is where the focus should be, which is how to make the lives of the American people better."

"The president also says that he believes that improving Americans' lives is the intent of the Republican party as well. What the parties disagree on, he says, is how to do that. 'I think it's very important to understand that we can disagree without questioning each other's intentions or patriotism.'"

We all need to get past the junk of tearing each other down and that this side is always right and that side is always evil, and start working together on solutions. Some compromise isn't terrible. And I think it's infinitely better than a standstill where nothing gets done.

Sleep Training is a Nightmare

2011-05-02T15:16:00.000-04:00

Sleep training is torture. My kid is in his crib crying right now, and we are not going to make it to church today. :(

We got so lucky with Henry in the beginning. At 6 weeks, he started sleeping 9-10 hour stretches. We were often able to lay him down awake. He'd generally sleep 8pm-5:30am, take a bottle, and then sleep until 7. Around 4 months, he just stopped. I don't know why. All I can think is that this must have been when she should have stopped swaddling him, and we just waited too long.

By 6 months, we'd set up some bad habits. He was taking most of his naps in his swing, and he was waking up for 2 bottles at night. He got his first cold around this time and for a week I did whatever needed to happen for him to sleep, but once he got better, he still wanted the nighttime attention. He started waking up every hour just wanting to be held. Before he was born, I thought I'd be able to let him cry it out, but once he was here, I started to change my mind. How could I ever let this little angel in any way be unhappy? By the way, I recently learned that the name Henry means "ruler of the house." How appropriate. Anyway, until I had the week of not sleeping, I thought I might never let him cry it out. How could I let him cry when I knew how to make him stop, when all he wanted was a hug? But at this point, we both needed to sleep. Neither of us were happy so something had to be done.

I read The Sleep Lady book. She recommended starting out in the room with the baby until he fell asleep and gradually moving further away and out of the room over a period of several days. This did not work for us. Me being in the room and not picking him up only made him more angry. So we had to switch to more of a Ferber method. I didn't read his book, but got the abbreviated version online. I needed to leave him for 10 minutes, soothe him, repeat until he fell asleep.

The first time we did this I felt like the worst mother ever. The crying was awful. I had to set a timer and go outside the house where I couldn't hear him to try to distract myself. But mostly I would watch the clock and go into his room the instant that 10 minutes hit. Just one more minute has never felt so long. The first nap we did this on took like an hour, but after a few days it did actually work. We were able to lay him down drowsy but awake and he would sleep. This worked for several weeks and then a series of things happened to mess it up.

At 8 months, we went on vacation and he had trouble sleeping away from home. We were out a lot during the days so he had trouble napping and was too distracted to eat. Then he got sick on top of that. We were so exhausted from that trip that when my parents came up the following week rather than getting right back to sleep training, we let them rock him to sleep every night because it was easier and they wanted to. After they left, he learned to pull up on the side of his crib, but not how to get back down so he would cry because he was stuck. It was as if he couldn't help but stand up every time he was laid down. Before this, he only fussed when he was sleepy so it was clear that when he started fussing it meant it was time for a nap. But now, he started to fuss if I left the room, if I took something away from him, all sorts of different things. His once clear signals were no longer clear. It's like every time I figure something out with him, everything changes. Then he suffered from a pollen allergy for two weeks and wound up sleeping in his infant car seat most nights.

So after a month of complete inconsistency, he's 9 months and I have decided he's definitely big enough to cry, and being that he's in like the 90th percentile on weight, we should be more than safe dropping nighttime feedings. I felt like I couldn't drop them before because he would get up and his poor little tummy would be growling, but I realize now that he's not going to stop getting up until I stop feeding him. He was sometimes doing 12-18 oz of formula overnight.

So I've had him on an eating schedule for a few weeks now during the day. Before we were taking an eat when you're hungry and sleep when you're tired approach. He was taking 3 naps a day between 30-60 minutes and eating was all over the place. Now he's taking two 90 minute naps and meals are planned. I should have done this sooner!

For the last few days, we've been starting to cry it out again, and for the most part it's not taking any longer than 20 minutes. To stop the night feedings, my plan is to only give him 4 oz when he wakes up and gradually reduce that until he's getting nothing. That seems to be working. He's only been getting up for 1 feeding instead of two, and the night before last he slept 12 hours straight. He's done that about once every couple of weeks all along, but I believe this one was a result of sleep training. Even though he slept all night, I still woke up 3 times... I think once I get Henry's sleep issues figured out I'll need to retrain myself.

Some naps have been better than others with the crying. I had a friend tell me that she thinks of Labyrinth when her baby screams. Now I do too. Is that bad?

"Goblin King, Goblin King, where ever you may be, come take this child of mine far away from me!"

Couponing Newbie

2011-04-28T16:17:00.006-04:00

So a lot has happened since the last time I blogged, most importantly that I have given birth to the cutest baby boy there ever was, and I stopped working to stay home with him full time. I thought starting to blog again would be a good outlet for me to share what that's like. I know some people wonder what I do with all my "free" time. I'm sure there will be many Henry-centered posts in my future (assuming this blog relaunch doesn't fizzle out after one day), but to get started I want to talk about something else.

I've just recently gotten started with couponing. It's something I'd been wanting to try for a while, but wasn't fully convinced would be worth it. Clipping coupons sounded really involved for what I assumed was a small payoff. I never understood how people saved any money by doing it. Every time I'd tried to use a coupon in the past, it seemed to me that the item still cost more than just buying the store brand.

But when someone from the Charlotte Observer tried to sell me a Sunday paper subscription a few weeks ago at the grocery store, rather than blowing them off like I usually do, I signed up. So many people had told me it was awesome that I figured I'd give it 3 months, and if it turned out it wasn't worth it then I'd quit.

What I've learned so far is that for couponing to really save you money, you have to use the coupons on items that are already on a good sale like buy one get one free. Often if you're buying two items for buy one get one free, you can still use two coupons because you're still buying both items. I never knew that Harris Teeter and Bi-Lo double manufacturer coupons every day. There's so much to learn, and Southern Savers and Hip2Save can explain it so much better than I could. Definitely go check them out if you're at all interested. I visit Southern Savers mostly. She has done an excellent job of matching up what's on sale each week with which Sunday paper inserts have matching coupons. There's generally a list of items you can get for free and items $1 or less.

Last week I started out just shopping the sales since I didn't have any coupons built up. But since then we bought a new printer (for only $9 after we used a giftcard). We have definitely made the $9 back already. Who knew you could print so many coupons online!?! This week I went to Harris Teeter and used a coupon on everything I purchased during Super Double Coupons where they double coupons up to $1.98 instead of 99 cents like they normally do. Regular price for my purchase would have been $58. I spent $13. At regular price, the cleaning products alone would have been about $13. I am becoming a believer. And I'm gradually learning about CVSing as well. Shortly I should be getting many of our personal care items for free using their Extra Care Bucks system along with coupons and sales.

Along with my Sunday paper subscription, they threw in Friday and Saturday for free. I have no idea how I'll have time to read 3 papers a week, and I don't really just want to toss everything but the coupons in the trash. So this week, as I complete a page I give it to Henry to rip to shreds. He loves it. This kid may only be getting wrapping paper for his first birthday.

Another major money saver I started using within Henry's first few months is Amazon Mom. Signing up for Amazon Mom is free. You get free Amazon Prime (two-day shipping) and 30% off diapers and wipes. If you also sign up for Subscribe and Save, you get even more off, and for a while there they were putting 10% off coupons in Parent's Magazine. Stacking all these discounts gives me a box of 200 diapers for about $17. That's half price.

If anyone else is trying to become (or already is) a coupon diva, leave me a comment and let me know your tips. I don't have one of those monster coupon notebooks to tote to the store with me yet, but I think I will soon.

What Pregnancy Is Really Like

2010-06-07T23:21:00.000-04:00

I'm 35 weeks along and this is my first pregnancy blog post. It may be the only one. Let's be real. I can't find the energy to do much of anything lately.

I want to capture what pregnancy has really been like for me before the baby gets here and I somehow forget it all. I understand it's different for everyone, and I know I've been fortunate to have an uneventful, good pregnancy. I think I mainly haven't blogged because I didn't want to complain about pregnancy openly. I irrationally thought that somehow I would jinx it if I said anything negative. I also know how annoying I thought it was during the couple of months we were trying to conceive to see whiny status updates from pregnant friends on Facebook when all I wanted was to be pregnant. I can't imagine what it's like for those who try for years. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I've always been happy I'm having a baby, but a lot of pregnancy is still pretty unpleasant even if it ultimately is worth it.

To begin with, the morning sickness started the day before I took the pregnancy test and didn't stop until I was 17-18 weeks along. I was lucky that I did not throw up every day. But I was not one of those people who was occasionally briefly nauseous first thing in the morning and then fine the rest of the day either. I actually got sick about once a week, but pretty much felt like I had car sickness 24 hours a day on days where I didn't. I kind of think it might have been easier to puke more often because on days where I did, it was just over and I could spend some time feeling almost normal for a while.

I was unprepared for the super-smell that came with pregnancy, and nothing smells worse than something reheated in the microwave. After a while, I got to where I didn't want to eat foods that I really liked because I was afraid they would come back up and I'd never be able to eat them again. I used to eat Cheerios every morning for breakfast. I don't anymore... I got sick at work one day, and everyone was convinced I had H1N1 so I had to go along with it and take the rest of the day off. On a trip over Christmas, I had to have my father-in-law pull the car over so I could vomit in someone's yard. Thank goodness they weren't home. During this time, I spent a lot of time feeling like I was misled about how awesome it would be to be pregnant. Graham's I told you sos were not helpful.

I thought I would be able to continue running during my first trimester and planned to taper into long walks several times a week as I got further along. Yeah, that didn't happen. During the morning sickness phase, all I wanted to do when I got home was curl up in a ball on the couch and wait for it to be 8:30 or 9:00 so I could go to sleep. I slipped out of a New Year's party at 10:30 and left Graham to catch a ride. By the time this phase was over, I was too out of shape to run and got pitifully tired (and sweaty and sore) trying to walk very far. Before I was pregnant, we used to take 3 mile walks on our off days, and now sometimes walking into Target from the parking lot is sometimes a challenge.

I'd say about 24-34 weeks was the highlight where I felt better, was able to stay up until a reasonable time and get some things done. Graham and I were both sad that he had to spend some of the good part of my pregnancy on business trips to China. I suppose it was good he was here to take care of me during the not-so-fun part though. It was rough when we were having to eat different meals. Meat was something I was completely not interested in. I ate a lot of mac & cheese and grilled cheese and other carb and cheese products.

The bad part about this time period was that I often just felt like I looked fat and not pregnant. I used to hate women who complained about weight gain during pregnancy. You're supposed to gain weight. I thought this would be my time to be large and be ok with it. I have not been. I was surprised by how overwhelmed I was by the weight gain. I've been fighting my weight since I was a kid, and it has been really hard to see ever-higher numbers on the scale. I'm only 5ish weeks away from delivery and I still worry people just think I'm fat even though I know that's completely crazy. This really was an unexpectedly hard struggle for me. I'll have to elaborate on it more in another post if I get a chance.

The newest issue has been Braxton-Hicks contractions. I feel like they're constant. They're not painful. It's just uncomfortable. I'm suddenly so uncomfortable all the time. I'm so heavy. I have to flip over about once an hour while I'm sleeping because my hips hurt so much from the pressure of me laying on them. Plus I have restless legs or something. Many nights they get twitchy at bedtime.

People keep asking if I'm ready for the birth. That's a complicated question. Am I ready for maternity leave? Yes, I'm very sensitive and pissy sometimes and I'm ready to not deal with work for a little while. Am I ready to not be pregnant anymore? Absolutely. No doubt. I'm over it. Am I ready for him to be here? Not really. I want to thoroughly clean the house first. And paint our interior doors. And put their doorknobs on. And finish cleaning all his new and used stuff. And hang some cute stuff on his walls. And write my thank you notes. The list goes on. But another 3rd trimester issue has spoiled my to-do list: fatigue. I can only work in 15 minute bursts and then I need a break. I use all my energy at my job and once I get home there's just nothing left.

I would like to point out here that when someone asks how I'm feeling and I say "I'm good, I'm just tired," it is not funny to say, "It's only going to get worse." How can people so quickly forget how discouraging that is? You're at your most emotional point (up til now), not sure how you can make it 5 more weeks and someone tells you it will get worse? I'm sure it will, but for crying out loud just be nice and don't say it! It's like getting toward the end of a marathon and someone says, "You think this is tough? When it's over you have to walk back to your hotel...and they're out of water at the finish."

I feel completely guilty that I haven't enjoyed the whole process more. I thought it would be more magical somehow. The only thing that has glowed about me during this pregnancy has been my pimples. I can't even fathom going through pregnancy while also taking care of another child. *Shudder*

Spiritual Stuff

2009-08-09T13:52:00.006-04:00

I'm not sure how I fell off track with my Bible reading. I did so well during Lent, reading double what was listed in my little guide to completing the Bible in one year. Now I can't seem to squeeze in even a few psalms every day. Fail.

Also I have not been writing at all up until yesterday. Double fail. I feel better when I eat well, when I exerices, when I write regularly, when I'm more focused on God, and when my house is clean so why can't I seem to make time for these things? I always have time to watch Lost and Grey's Anatomy, to eat ice cream and even to read other books...

I want to start writing morning pages and following The Artists' Way plan again. I've never completed the book. I always start, feel better, and quit. I want to complete the program this time.

The latest sermon series at church has been about imitating the ordinary things Jesus did, such as praying continuously and learning the scriptures inside and out. I've discussed before that I know I don't pray as much as I should. Sometimes I feel like I pray like a kid. "Thank you God for everything. Please forgive me of all my sins. Amen." I get more specific sometimes. "Thank you, God, for Graham." "Thank you, God, for not letting that truck hit me on the interstate..." But I truly believe it should be an ongoing conversation, and I have trouble living up to my end of it much of the time.

The last book I finished was Pilate's Wife by Antoinette May. That's Pilate as in Pontius Pilate. It's all about the life of his wife, Claudia, beginning long before she met him. She's the one who supposedly had a vision that Pilate should not have Jesus crucified. The book is barely about Jesus at all. He's a really minor character, which is odd. I've never read a book where that was the case before. I enjoyed it, but of course it did have Claudia attend Jesus' wedding to Mary Magdalene. Why is there such an obsession with that as a possibility?

It was sort of enlightening to read a novel set in that time period, and also nice that it wasn't written in something distracting like Old English. I often forget that certain things were going on at the same time, like that all of these Roman and Egyptian gods were the center of everything at the same time Jesus was alive. I sort of feel like I didn't get enough of that crossover in school. We studied U.S. History separately from World History. As if you could study the U.S. in a vacuum without considering what was going on with the rest of the world. As if you could cover all of the history of the world in one year and come out knowing anything significant. I wish I knew more. I've always found history interesting, but I feel so ignorant of most of it.

On to something completely else:

During our church community group, we're sort of supposed to analyze scripture, which is something I enjoy learning about and talking about with certain people. But to discuss these things with people I barely know is different somehow than blogging about it. I'm not well-spoken at all, and I feel like I don't get my point across very well. And I feel like I don't think quickly enough to respond. I'm definitely an observer. That's how I always was in school. I've never liked participating in class discussions. I just like to watch. But in a group of only 10 people, sometimes I just feel like a lump because I don't contribute.

It's probably frustrating to be leading a study and have people not participate the same way it must be frustrating to lead singing and have people not sing. But I'm also not a singer. I don't feel all "of the spirit" or whatever when I sing. I hate singing. I'm practically tone deaf. It's just not who I am. It's okay to experience worship in our own way, isn't it? Some of us just aren't moved by song and like to listen and learn rather than asserting our thoughts all the time.

Ah, Weight Loss

2009-08-09T13:48:00.003-04:00

It boggles my mind how no matter what size I am, I see myself fat in the mirror. So really why do I bother? When I reach a good, cute, thin point, I never realize it until 3 months later when I print out the pictures after I've gained 15 pounds and no longer look like that. I see the same blobby shape no matter what I acutally look like. Do I ever even feel satisfied when I'm a size 8 as opposed to a size 12? But still I go on...

I threw the Weight Watchers Points counting out the window when I started increasing my exercise to every day a while back. I didn't feel like I could deal with both, and, of course, I promptly regained the 10 pounds I lost a few months ago. I've been tracking my weight every week since the beginning of the year. Combining all my ups and downs thus far, my weight loss amounts to 0.08 pounds/week or 2.6 pounds total. It's August already! That's pitiful. I guess I could have gained 20 more pounds. That would have been worse.

I am the most ridiculous yo-yo dieter ever. I'm completely aware of it, and it doesn't seem to matter. 20 pounds up, 20 pounds down, repeat. Seriously, though, in an effort to not be so hard on myself, let's talk about Oprah. Oprah is a billionaire with access to any chef, dietician, and personal trainer in the world, and she can't keep it under control. It's just not easy for some of us.

I am slowly changing my habits to be more healthy so even if I'm not as thin as I'd like, there has been some improvement that isn't obvious to most casual observers. For the past year, I have used soda only for mixing drinks (not very often), and never for regular snacks or meals. Water all the time. Only once have I had a beverage with caffeinne. I'm not hitting the reccommended 5 fruits and veggies everyday, but I've got to be honest. For me, getting in 2-3 in is a huge improvement. I'm working on it.

I did make it a couple of months exercising every single day, and doing make-up days for those I missed. The plan fell apart when I went on vacation at the beginning of July, and I haven't gotten back to that, but I am exercising at least 4 times a week most weeks. And that's not bad. The last time I clocked myself, I was doing 11:00 minute miles. That's clearly not superspeed, but for someone like me, that's good, and I'm okay with that. I'm not trying to set records. Showing up and finishing is enough. I don't need to compete at this. This is about me, not about me in comparision to everyone else.

I was really excited to discover Free Step on the Wii Fit so I can step while watching DVDs. Awesome. Much better than when I used to try to watch TV while on the treadmill. The treadmill was the only thing I could ever hear. The Wii Fit voice comes out of the remote reminding me to pull my shoulders back and telling me how well I'm doing while it ticks off the pace for me. Graham can't handle all the extra noise, but when I'm alone, it works out well. I've been watching episodes of Big Love while stepping. Polygamy will definitely get its own post someday soon.

TaDa: A New Post.

2009-08-06T20:41:00.010-04:00

TaDa, a new post. Are You Excited? Is anyone even still around? Probably not. It's been 3 1/2 months since my last post. But I feel like writing anyway. That last one was kind of a downer. I hate that was the one I had up for so long.

Things have improved at work as far as me staying busy. Most days go by quickly and that's a good thing. I finally asked for a raise and got one. I am now bringing home what I was before. So yay! The new marketing manager has finally been hired. She starts Monday. I met her this week, and she seems really nice. It will be up to her if I get to stay or not. The work-from-home marketing person will be going on maternity leave in October so I'm hoping they'll at least keep me on until she returns. Maybe the end of the year. At that point, I'll have been there nearly a year. They might as well keep me, right?

I do find it strange that I have been experiencing the beginnings of the same sort of weird mood I felt when I last wrote. Unexplained anxiety just sneaks up on me sometimes. It generally disappears as quickly as it came. I don't understand it. Just a general undefinable ickiness where I feel all down on myself.

We've got a half marathon coming up over Labor Day weekend at Disneyland. I'm excited about it. I have no idea how I'll do. I should be more prepared for this one than I was the full in January, but I don't know if I'll finish any more quickly. I got to the halfway point at 2:57 before. I was hoping I'd be able to do this half in 2:30, but I don't know if it's going to happen. Practice runs have not been quite fast enough, but not impossibly far off. I did surprise myself at the full by running farther and faster than I expected, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

As for other goals: I've been doing really well with my reading a book every week plan. I fell off the wagon long ago on learning Spanish right now, reading the Bible straight through, and keeping this and the Zoe and Sofya blog going. My weight is pretty much exactly where it was in December hovering around 150 pounds. I'm trying not to beat myself up about any of it. I'm having trouble sticking to points or calories, but for the most part I'm not eating outrageously and I'm exercising 4 days a week. Of course, all that means is a plateau. But it is what it is.

I signed up for a bootcamp class. It was 3 nights / week for a month. Tomorrow is the last day. I'd never done an exercise class before. I used to be too self-conscious. Too worried about all the skinny girls judging me and my inability to do coordinated motions or move as fast or lift as much weight. I guess I'm over it. I think the marathon helped a lot. Once you've covered 26.2 miles on foot, the prospect of a one-hour exercise class isn't so intimidating.

I am afraid I'm going to finish tomorrow without having lost any weight at all. I've always thought it was crap before when people would say I was probably gaining muscle and that's why I wasn't losing weight. This time I think I might actually be developing some muscle underneath my thick layer of blubber. I'm considering going around town and doing all the free trial offers at different gyms once this ends to explore my options. I've told Graham if we sell his weight bench (that we NEVER use), then maybe we can use that money to start paying for a gym membership. It also wouldn't hurt to make room for a nursery should the baby thing ever become a reality...

We have finally stopped preventing that from happening, but who knows how long it will take? I did temp last month just to try that out, and then the free fertility tracking service I was using over at iVillage closed down and I haven't gotten on a replacement one yet. My last cycle lasted 54 days. I didn't ovulate until Day 43. I'm essentially ovulating half as often as other people. Isn't that bizarre?

I'm ready, but I'm not feeling the baby fever as excruciatingly as I have at times. I think it's because I'm a little afraid of doing the half marathon early on in the pregnancy and having a miscarriage or something crazy and then blaming myself forever. I know people do it all the time. But even if a miscarriage was unavoidable and would have happened anyway, how would I ever know I didn't cause it? I know... I'm crazy...

Meanwhile, I currently have 3 pregnant friends, two of them younger than me, and the other will deliver only a month short of their one year wedding anniversary.

I think I'd be a good mom. I hope I'm not too hard on my kids. And also that Graham and I don't forget to be nice to each other. That seems to be a problem when some people multiply. They somehow forget they ever liked each other...

Corporate America Sucks Always

2009-04-27T15:34:00.003-04:00

I feel trapped. I feel a bit claustrophobic. I feel stuck. I have a headache and feel slightly nauseous. I have anxiety this afternoon for no apparent reason. I have been on a long streak of good days since I quit my last full-time job in December, but today is just not one of them. It's not exactly a bad day. Nothing at all bad has happened. It's just not good.

For the most part, I can hold my frustration at bay lately. But I'm disappointed a little bit in the real world. Corporate America sucks always. Even though this place I'm temping at now is treating me just fine, I don't trust them. You can't trust a corporation because a corporation is not a person. That's why the structure of it is so evil and hard. There's no one to be held accountable. Blame can be be circled around forever.

It's been a long, slow road to realizing that even though I spent my childhood hearing how special and smart I was, how I could really make something of myself, it was all a bunch of crap. While I feel the experience of college was valuable, I don't think my earning a diploma has done a whole lot for me in the way of employment.

I'm making peace with the fact that I'm not hyper-ambitious and that I'll probably never earn a ridiculously high salary. Since moving into the world of work, I've realized that my free time (and my mental health) is way more valuable to me than money.

A management position is not something I even remotely desire. I generally like to work alone and don't want to be responsible for other people's screw ups. But I am too talented to be perpetually at the bottom rung of the ladder answering phone calls and making copies. So what am I supposed to do? There seems to be no middle that I can find.
I guess I am learning all this fairly young even though I feel like it took a long time. I get the impression from the media that most 26 year olds are still in a party phase even though none of the ones I know are. I've already settled down, been married for three years, own my own home, and have held jobs in a variety of fields. I know I'm young, but I feel like I should know what I want.

The thing is, I do know what I want. I want to change what I'm working at every couple of months because I get bored so fast. I'm continually switching fields because that keeps me interested. I can't move up because I can't stick with any one thing long enough. I'm not against starting at the bottom. I've started at the bottom 5 times! I'm against sticking with something. Which is weird because I have no trouble committing to people.

I don't know what I want to do careerwise, but I do know that I want to have a kid, more than one kid, three or four kids. Sticking to that doesn't scare me because, like I said, I easily stick with people. So I've come to the decision that if that's something I'm sure I want to do, I should go ahead and do that. I'll worry about a career later rather than wasting years of my fertility chasing after something I'm not entirely sure I want. That may sound stupid, but I don't think it is. It's not that I want to have babies just because I don't know what to do with myself. It's that that's something I'm sure of when I'm not sure about any of the other stuff.

Oops. I Fell Out of the Blogosphere.

2009-04-25T19:52:00.010-04:00

Wow. So I haven't blogged here in like 2 1/2 weeks. I tend to write more when I've got stuff I need to work through so it's kind of a good sign for me that I've been happy and busy with fun things and therefore haven't had time to write.

I have written a few posts over at Zoe and Sofya if you want to check those out : My First Lent Experience and God's Law and God's Grace. Please go leave comments! I just want to know what everyone else thinks. There's not really a wrong answer. Well, okay I take that back. There is a wrong answer and a right answer. But God's the judge; I'm not. So speak your mind.

I've read two books since my last post here. First was The Garden of Eden, which was written under the pen name Eve Adams. I always wondered how people decide to publish using their own names or a made up one. I liked it and after a little googling I found out it was actually written by Stephen Coonts who I guess normally writes more thriller-type novels.

I wanted to read more of his work and thrillers aren't really my thing so I located Saucer, which was described as another departure from his normal style and I liked it too. I was digging the little bit of science fiction. "Perhaps if we could comprehend the vastness of time we would be able to understand God."

I liked his concept that man can only evolve to a certain level of civilization and technology. We will each become so specialized in one thing that if our level of technology was lost due to catastrophe or travel to another planet or something, we would have to resort back to caveman ways. Like how a modern office can shut down when the email server crashes or phone service is lost. Maybe I will give his thriller books a chance after all.

One of the main reasons I liked The Garden of Eden was that it was set in a small town that reminded me so much of the podunk place I grew up that it freaked me out a little. I felt like I'd met all the characters before. I think small towns come across more real in books because I have the correct accent in my head. I cringe when I hear a southern accent on TV and movies because the actors and actresses are so rarely from the south. They never get it right.

The novel was really just about small town life, but there was a section where the original Garden of Eden was actually discussed that I thought was interesting. Sorry there are so many ellipses in the quote, but I left out all the irrelevant dialogue.

“My problem…is that God comes off terribly naïve in that story. One is left with the impression that He was surprised that humans were attracted by the forbidden…Surely He knew that forbidding the fruit to man was an absolute guarantee that it would be eaten…As Mark Twain pointed out, the mistake was in forbidding the fruit. If He had forbidden the snake, they would have eaten that instead…If God is as naïve as he is portrayed in Genesis, then man is just a crude, flawed experimental prototype, created so God could learn how to improve him in the next iteration. On the other hand, if the Garden of Eden story is mangled, we must reexamine the philosophical basis for the concept of sin. What if God intended for Adam and Eve to eat the fruit? Expected them to eat it? Wanted them to eat it? …We humans spend our lives apologizing and confessing to being human…and I’m not sure that we should.”

I have been cheating like crazy on my diet for the last three weeks. I haven't counted at all. I briefly considered doing a round of Operation Boot Camp. 4-5 days a week for 4 weeks at 5:45 am. My thinking was if I spent the money, I would do the work. I thought it would jump start my half marathon training to go punish myself physically. Then jogging a couple of miles with Graham would seem so mild in comparison. But $350 is pretty steep for us.

Instead I started a spreadsheet that encourages me to exercise everyday. I need some motivation. Having my goal be to look cute in a swimsuit only works when I'm feeling bad about myself. When I'm happy, that doesn't work as well. Since my baby fever has returned again this week, I picked out a date several months from now to "try to conceive" or to stop trying to prevent more like. For each day I skip, the spreadsheet automatically moves the date out a week and flashes the warning in bright red, "No baby for you!" Three days in, I had to skip a day because I felt so nauseous. I thought I had the stomach flu. Since the skip was due to illness, Graham allowed me to make up for it by doubling up the following day, though, so the spreadsheet thinks I have not missed any days yet, and the original date is still in there. :)

We did a 5k this morning, the CPCC Skyline Run. Dude, it was hot and humid this morning in Charlotte, and that was a crazy hilly race. It was at 8 a.m. That's two hours later than we normally run and so much warmer. Today was gorgeous. It felt like summer. My goal was to finish with an 11:00/mile pace or 34:10 overall. I wound up at 11:16/mile or 34:58. So I was 48 seconds over my goal. I should have pushed a little harder. I could have done that, and I actually did a slightly better pace on the 4-miler last month, but I'm still happy with it. Graham set a personal record.

Weird thing: I looked at my results again from the 4-miler today, and they have changed my name to being in last place and taking over an hour to finish, which I didn't! I guess I'll email them. There's another location where it's correct, but I can't figure out why it shows that when it didn't before. Chip glitch or database glitch? If we were just doing the one race, it wouldn't really matter, but we're doing this Grand Prix Series with Run For Your Life and I want my standings to be accurate even though I don't intend to be anywhere near the top. Something similar happened last year on one race except last year it showed I finished in like half my time instead of double my time.

Pregnancy Test, Layoffs, Etc.

2009-04-06T20:49:00.006-04:00

Pregnancy Test

I took a pregnancy test last Thursday. I didn't want to take a test because I didn't feel pregnant. I'm not sure what I expect pregnancy to feel like or how I think I'll instantly know. I was certain I wasn't wasn't pregnant, but I took the test anyway. I don't really even know how to describe why I didn't want to test other than that I knew I'd feel stupid afterward for wasting money on a test that came out negative.

I thought I had my baby fever completely at bay. I was focusing on all the things I wanted to do before we have kids, and then of course while I was waiting the three minutes for my results, I got hopeful that it was positive. So I was disappointed to not be pregnant even though I really don't want to be. What is my deal? How can I want and not want something so badly at the same time. Girls are weird.

Layoffs

Another friend of ours was laid off this week. I feel like I can't complain about my uncertain job situation when there are those who have no work at all. Weeks like this put things into perspective. I've been really lucky.

Church Community Group

We went to the community group. It turns out we're the oldest. There were two other couples who were very nice. We had dinner and played Apples to Apples and just got to know each other, barely even talked about church really. But one of the first things we talked about was how they'd been part of another group before where they didn't feel they fit because everyone else was "closer to 30 like 27 or something and all starting to have kids." Hmm. We may not last long in this group since we're turning 27 in a few months and I'm aiming for babies within the next two years. They must all be 22, which is really not that big of an age gap. We're in the same place in life job-wise because Graham just graduated and I'm starting over again, but we're probably in different places in other ways. We'll see. I think it will be good while it lasts.

There's No Place Like Here

2009-04-01T17:51:00.004-04:00

I finished another Cecilia Ahern book today, There's No Place Like Here. I decided to try it after reading If You Could See Me Now last week. It was another adult book with magical elements. When I say adult I don't mean romance novel, just that it's not geared towards teens. And when I say magical, it's not witchcraft or vampires and werewolves. It involved the owner of a missing persons agency turning up in the land where things go when they're missing, single socks for example. I envision this as a future sort of romantic comedy as well. I can't decide if I'm a fan or not. I'm having that trouble with most books these days though.

We are getting ready to go to our first community group meeting. It's one of many small groups of people who attend our church set up so we can still feel connected even though the church is large. Everyone we've met so far has been very normal, but I still have a small fear that the night will start out with everyone having to go around and share their favorite Bible verse. Don't get me wrong. I'm on board with the church thing. It's just when you get a group together for Bible study, the real side of people sometimes disappears and is replaced by a fake niceness, which I don't dig. We all know we're not perfect. Let's not pretend for each other. I expect uncomfortable silences since we don't know each other yet.

It's not like regular friendship where you meet and then decide to hang out. We're hanging out right at the beginning and deciding if we want to continue doing that. In theory we're all supposed to have big things in common. We're all couples in our 20's who live near each other, attend the same church, and don't have kids yet. We'll see.

Wall-E and Obesity

2009-03-28T08:58:00.003-04:00

I was reading through old Slate articles this week and came across one from when Wall-E came out. It was still timely for me because I just recently saw the film for the first time. For anyone who hasn't seen it, Wall-E is a robot in the future who cleans up for us after we trash our whole planet through our rampant consumerism. Humans have had to move on from earth because of the mess to live in a spaceship where they never leave their chairs all day and have all become lazy and obese.

Here is an excerpt from the article, Fat-E,

Let me raise a voice of dissent. Wall-E is an innovative and visually stunning film, but the "satire" it draws is simple-minded. It plays off the easy analogy between obesity and ecological catastrophe, pushing the notion that Western culture has sickened both our bodies and our planet with the same disease of affluence. According to this lazy logic, a fat body stands in for a distended culture: We gain weight and the Earth suffers. If only society could get off its big, fat ass and go on a diet!

But the metaphor only works if you believe familiar myths about the overweight: They're weak-willed, indolent, and stupid. Sure enough, that's how Pixar depicts the future of humanity. The people in Wall-E drink "cupcakes-in-a-cup," they never exercise, and if they happen to fall off their hovering chairs, they thrash around like babies until a robot helps them up. They watch TV all day long and can barely read.

It ought to go without saying that this stereotype of the "obese lifestyle" is simply false. How fat you are has a lot more to do with your genes than with your behavior. As much as 80 percent of the variation in human body weight can be explained by differences in our DNA. (Your height is similarly heritable.) That is to say, it may not matter that much whether you eat salads or drink "cupcakes-in-a-cup," whether you bike everywhere or fly around in a Barcalounger. If you have a propensity to become obese, there's only so much that can be done about it.

That's not to say that our circumstances can't lead us to gain weight. But there's little evidence that overeating causes obesity on an individual level and no real reason to think that anyone can lose a lot of weight by dieting. (Most of us fluctuate around a natural "set point.")

I disagree with much of this. I think our affluence has clearly caused us to be wasteful and to harm our planet, and to harm our bodies by not getting enough exercise. Now that we've gotten to a point where most jobs involve sitting in a cubicle all day, it's no wonder so many people are obese. Exercise is no longer a natural part of the day. It has to be scheduled in like everything else.

I struggle with my weight. My mom struggled with her weight too so I know that it's partially genetic, that I am predisposed to gaining weight easily. If I ate whatever I wanted all the time, I know how quickly and easily my weight would skyrocket. At the same time, Graham can eat whatever he wants and stay exactly the same. Some of us lean towards slimness and some of us lean towards chubbiness, but I think some stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason.

I by no means think that all or even most fat people are stupid, but I don't think we can let them (or myself) off the hook and say being fat is not at all their fault. The amount of people who are obese in this country and around the world is not entirely because of medical conditions. I truly believe the majority of obesity cases is due to too much soda, too many french fries, and too much driving instead of walking. To say that no amount of dieting is going to help a fat person lose weight and that "there is little evidence that overeating causes obesity" is ridiculous. I once lost 40 pounds just by dieting, just by cutting back my calorie intake, not following some crazy diet-of-the-week fad. That's a lot on my 5'3" frame. Naturally chubby people of the world, we must unite and admit that we are not victims. We can control the food. It does not control us.

Zoe and Sofya: The Launch

2009-03-27T17:12:00.002-04:00

Mary and I finally launched our Bible study blog. We're calling it Zoe and Sofya. I think it has the potential to be a really good thing, a way to let friends (along with random people from all across the internet) come together and discuss Christianity. Please everyone go over there and read and leave tons of comments. It will make me feel good to see lots of comments. You don't have to be a Christian to participate. We are open to listening to all kinds of viewpoints. Dialogue is the main goal. I don't want us posting just for us. I want to know what other people think. I'm okay with people disagreeing with me. The first article is mine, Grumbling All the Way to the Promised Land. Go check it out!

Boring Women Have Immaculate Homes

2009-03-26T11:21:00.003-04:00

I was thinking this morning about a keychain my mom had when I was a kid. Actually, she may still have it. I'm not sure. It said, "Boring women have immaculate homes." That pretty much sums up her philosophy on life. Yeah, we could stay home all day and scrub the floors and clear away clutter and spend all our money on making all the details of the house look finished or we could go out and do something fun.

The older I get, the more I love my mom and the smarter I think she is. She has never been the most polished dresser. There's something to be said for being comfortable in your own skin. She worked, but not while my brother and I were little. She never had any kind of rock star career, and we never had much money, but I wouldn't have wanted anyone else's mom. She spent time with us and made sure we got to go do things. We may not have ever traveled abroad, but we saw every museum and landmark and state park in Arkansas. She taught me to love reading. In elementary school, I got library card #2 when my hometown opened up its brand new shiny 2,000 square foot public library. She went to college to be a teacher but never taught. She's been the school secretary for years now, and she loves it. I went to school for Information Systems and that's the one field I've never worked in. I'm beginning to understand what people mean when they say you can't help turning into your mother.

I remember her telling me once that she took an extra science class instead of home economics. Therefore she's not a cooking expert and neither am I. Of course, I'm sure that also has to do with the fact that her mother died when she was sixteen. Her father had died when she was 6. I can't imagine that. She spent a lot of time worrying over me. She was never smothering, but I could tell very worried. I suppose that's understandable.

The home ec thing reminds me of another story. When I was a senior in high school, I was working on a physics project, and we had to make a box out of wood to put it in. We had to go down to the shop teacher for help with it. I don't think I'll ever forget his response, "I bet you wish you'd taken some classes on this end of the building now, huh?" It is weird how sometimes when we're trying to better ourselves, by taking college prep courses for instance, that we forget to master some of the common sense things we'll need to know as well.

I want to know how to do everything. I'm quite okay with the thought of being a jack of all trades and master of none. I just want to try it all. I don't think that it's so wrong to spend your life experimenting. My most recent philosophy has been that I will not let work get in the way of my life. I think this goes along with my mom's attitude. Nothing should get in the way of your life. Yes, we have to make sure the bills are paid and that we have enough food to eat, clothes to wear, and a roof over our heads, but beyond that we should just be living life. Right now I'm feeling pretty good about living in a fixer-upper house, having to pass on eating out sometimes, and wearing the same clothes I've worn the last couple of years so that we can save up for a trip to Europe. I so badly want to get out and have some experiences before I die. I'm having a real feel good about where I'm at in life kind of day. I don't have those all the time. I want to hold on to it.

I miss my mom. I wish she lived closer.

Title TBD

2009-03-25T12:04:00.010-04:00

I just finished If You Could See Me Now by Cecilia Ahern yesterday. She's the one who wrote PS, I Love You. I haven't read that book, but the movie is an awesome chick-flick tear-jerker. I'm sure everyone has heard of it, but if not, it's about a girl getting herself back together after becoming a widow, and you should definitely rent it. It should make you want to love on your husband more and spend more time with him. Anyway, back to this book, which I picked up because I saw that movie. This one was about an adult woman's interaction with an imaginary friend. It didn't say that anywhere in the description, but you find it out very early on, like chapter 2 or something, so I don't feel bad spoiling it. If I'd known that was what it was about, I probably wouldn't have picked it up so good choice on their part for leaving it off the cover. The whole time I was reading it, I was thinking about how I could easily see it as a movie like Just Like Heaven with Reese Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo, where she's a ghost and no one can see her but him. I'm not going to say I would reccommend it, but I'm not saying I didn't like it either. It was a romantic comedy type book. It was light reading, nothing too deep. It was what it was. I'm sure I'll watch the movie if/when it comes out.

In other news, my face is breaking out like crazy. Aren't I too old for this? And for the past week, I've felt like I'd be okay with waiting another 3 years until we're 30 to have kids. I don't know why. I think the baby fever may be tied to my cycle. Oh, and I lost 1.4 pounds this week. Yay!

Church Welcome Class

2009-03-22T20:05:00.002-04:00

We're members at our church now. We just got home from the last class. We all had to go around and tell our stories of how we came to be Christians. I dread public speaking. The thing is, I'm not shy. I'm just awkward and not good at it. I feel that I make a terrible first impression on people. I think it takes months for people to get a good feel of what I'm really like if they ever get there at all. I even feel awkward listening to other people do public speaking when they are clearly not used to doing it. I feel their pain while they're talking, although I wouldn't say empathy is in general one of my most prominent qualities. I'm not proud of that. It's just how I am. I'm hardest on myself if that counts for anything. And so many people got teary-eyed during their speeches. I'm not complaining about that, only saying that I observed it. I've never been a weepy person at church. At the portrait studio, I had many days where I was constantly on the verge of tears. Why do I never feel that emotional at church? I take that back. It's not that I don't get emotional. It's that I really only get weepy when I feel mistreated or down on myself and I don't feel that way at church. It was good to hear other people's stories. Mine is so low-drama comparatively. My parents raised me in church and so did Graham's. There was no long hard road to get to this place.

I do worry a little every time Catholicism is mentioned at church that Graham will be somehow offended and change his mind about joining a protestant church. I don't know why. He's not weirdly super-sensitive. I just really want this to work out. Things are going well on all fronts right now. It's almost like I feel like something is bound to go wrong. I fluctuate widely between optimistic and pessimistic in case you didn't notice.

Anyway, I'm glad we belong somewhere now. We spent a long time this afternoon on a quiz that was in our welcome packet, 64 questions on beliefs and practices of the Christian faith. It revealed things I already knew, but it's good to have it there in black and white. I should pray more. I should give more (time and money). I should share more about my faith. Does this blog count? The really good part was discussing them all with Graham. Every facet of faith on a list so we could talk through them.

I want to talk more about the specific beliefs of this church, but I'll have to save that for tomorrow.

Shamrock 4 Miler

2009-03-21T17:38:00.005-04:00

I met my goal for the Shamrock 4 Miler today! I was a little worried I might not even be able to maintain a 12 minute/mile pace, and I did 11:02 (44:09 for 4 miles). That's really good for me especially considering I've done virtually no training since January, and I've got no natural athletic inclination. I took a lot of walking breaks, but never gave up on running completely. I came in #718 out of 823 people so I wasn't dead last. :) I can't beat myself up when I met my personal goal. And I know I can do better, so next time I'll adjust the goal to a lower pace time.

I'm really glad we've been able to do a lot more socializing lately with all our different groups of friends. I may not have a career figured out, but I'm so much happier to not be working weekends and not have a boss who despises me. Today I helped put together programs for a friend's wedding. I wouldn't have been able to do that before. It's the little things really. I'm truly enjoying work not being a huge source of anxiety and a barrier to doing all the stuff we want to do.

I'm feeling the pink color today for the background. I don't know how long that will last. I really ought to go get something that isn't a template from blogger I guess.

Oh, I cheated. Not on the diet, but on my rule to not check my weight mid-week. This morning I'd lost a pound and a half. That's great as long as I don't screw it up between now and Tuesday.

Finally Stumped for a Title

2009-03-20T20:00:00.007-04:00

Now that I'm back to work, I feel I'm out of things to say. I always think of things, but by the time I get to typing about them I just don't feel like going on about them anymore. I forgot to mention that I'll have this temp job most likely until the end of May. I feel boring today. No one wants to read about things going well, do they? People want drama, struggle, jealousy, intrigue, but not whining. Whining is always a turn off.

I have been strict on the diet this week. Every bite and every sip count. I never want anything more than when I try to deny myself. The Shamrock 4-miler is tomorrow. I hope I don't do too badly as in wind up having to walk the whole thing. My goal is to finish at a 12 minute/mile pace. I should be able to do that even if I stop and walk some. 11 minute/mile would be better. I'm not expecting much, though. I haven't put in any time preparing. For me, running has nothing to do with beating anyone else. My goal is generally just to not be too close to the last person across the finish line. I thought about signing up to be in the "Athena" category for women over 140 pounds, but I desperately want to be under that weight before the race season is over.

I came across this article by Seth Godin the other day, Personal branding in the age of Google:

A friend advertised on Craigslist for a housekeeper.
Three interesting resumes came to the top. She googled each person's name.
The first search turned up a MySpace page. There was a picture of the applicant, drinking beer from a funnel. Under hobbies, the first entry was, "binge drinking."
The second search turned up a personal blog (a good one, actually). The most recent entry said something like, "I am applying for some menial jobs that are below me, and I'm annoyed by it. I'll certainly quit the minute I sell a few paintings."
And the third? There were only six matches, and the sixth was from the local police department, indicating that the applicant had been arrested for shoplifting two years earlier.
Three for three.
Google never forgets.
Of course, you don't have to be a drunk, a thief or a bitter failure for this to backfire. Everything you do now ends up in your permanent record. The best plan is to overload Google with a long tail of good stuff and to always act as if you're on Candid Camera, because you are.

It got me thinking. Have I written anything I would be embarrassed of on my blog? I really don't think I have, but it's so easy to accidentally offend someone in writing. What if I've said something I shouldn't have about my job search? I think I do a fairly good job of getting my intent to come across the way I want it to. Still, I haven't taken this blog public with everyone I know because I'm not sure I feel comfortable with them reading and judging me. Based on the response from at least one friend after changing my Facebook status to "I'm giving up Facebook for Lent," I think that's understandable. Though I don't fear anyone finding it, I've so far only trusted giving away the web address to friends I truly feel get me. So few people do it seems. Why is that? I'm going to choose to believe it's because I'm quirky, not because I'm weird.

Blood & Birthdays

2009-03-16T22:13:00.008-04:00

I got to cross something off my 43things list today: Give blood annually. Graham signed me up for an appointment right after his. He goes every two or three months. I figured once a year would be good, but after I was done, I signed up for another appointment in 6 months. So yay! I feel good for going. You can save up to 3 lives each time you donate. I hope that's true. I'm A positive. When you look at the chart of which types can give to which, it doesn't appear that I'm meant to be much of a giver. I can only give to other A positives and AB positives. Graham can give to any positive. Isn't he special? I think I generally fear the finger pricking more than them jamming the needle in my arm. I remember the first time I donated a few years ago, the finger prick pain was just so unexpected.

There were cookies and juice after it was over, which segues into how I was SO not back on the Weight Watchers wagon today. As our reward to ourselves for giving (and because we didn't feel like cooking), we broke two rules, diet and budget, and went to Red Lobster. There's always tomorrow, which is weigh in day. I bet I'm back up 8 lbs. to my original weight. The food was totally worth it, though. At least I feel that way right now.

I don't think I mentioned that the original food trigger was that we celebrated 4 birthdays on Saturday. My niece turned 4 and had a birthday party at a pottery painting place. It was very cute. There were way more adults than children. Paparazzi-like flashes everywhere. Another friend's baby turned 1 so almost immediately after the first party, we attended their celebration of life/anniversary of birth party. They opted to do this rather than a kiddie birthday party since she could not possibly understand it was for her and remember it later. So even more adults, a few of the same kids, and jello pudding shots, among the most awesome things I've ever eaten. I believe this is the recipe they used. If not, it should be close:

CHOCOLATE PUDDING SHOTS

1 (3 1/2 ounce) package instant chocolate pudding mix
3/4 cup milk
1/4 cup vodka
1/2 cup Bailey's Irish Cream (or Kahlua)
1 (8 ounce) container Extra Creamy Cool Whip, thawed

Mix pudding and milk until well blended.

Add vodka and Irish cream, mix well.

Fold in Cool Whip. Divide into individual servings.

Store in freezer.

A few hours later, several of the same people continued the party, including two friends our age who had birthdays this week, at the Breakfast Club. Hanging out with friends equals lots of food and drink. It's incredibly hard to separate them. I must confess on the way home from the club, we all drove through Taco Bell. Pitiful. When I cheat, I go big. It was a good weekend, and I'm happy I did not have to work during it. If I still had that other job, I never would have been able to participate in any of the parties. How sad. I'm glad to have my life back.

100 Days Since I Quit

2009-03-15T21:26:00.010-04:00

I've been incredibly slack on the blogging this week, only two entries. Here are some updates.

Body

Since working full time this week, I didn't exercise at all. It also rained nearly every day so that didn't help either. I'm going to have to focus to find time for this. It may take a few weeks for me to find a good schedule for going. I hate getting up early to go especially when it's still dark, and I'll never go when it's dark if Graham doesn't go with me. I don't feel safe. Immediately after work before dinner will probably be best. Our first race of the season is this coming weekend. I'm hoping I'll be able to have an easy 4 mile burst at 10 minutes/mile without really being prepared like I did at the marathon. It could happen.

I've been plateaued on the diet for like 3 weeks now hovering between 143-144 lbs. I'm trying really hard to only weigh in on my weigh in day. I found weighing every day was bad whether I gained or lost. If I gained, I ate extra because I'd already gained so it didn't matter. If I lost, I ate extra because I could afford to. While I haven't been ridiculously overeating, I have been cheating every single week even if it's just by a margarita or a few glasses of wine. Still it's cheating, and I know why I'm not losing. Today and yesterday I didn't even attempt to count points. I just finished a Klondike bar. Back on the wagon tomorrow. No rush. Summer is the goal for that last 13-14 lbs. and that's still 2 1/2 months away.

Mind

I'm on a down-swing phase of the baby fever. I wouldn't be upset if I got pregnant, but I'm not feeling like I want it constantly at this point and feel I could wait another year if Graham wants to.

I finished The Godmother by Carrie Adams about a woman who is godmother to tons of kids but doesn't have a husband or family of her own. It's my second British book in a row. I liked it but didn't love it. I think Sex and the City type stories are overrated. I know books are an escape, but that's not my style. I got married at 23. I'm not programmed to be a swinging single or even to really understand the appeal. I enjoy that I have the same steady someone in my life. At the same time, the book did also touch on postpartum depression, growing apart after being married a long time, single motherhood, adultery, miscarriage, and being best friends with someone of the opposite sex other than a spouse. I believe that last one is completely impossible. Your spouse should be your best friend. If not, what's the point? If there's someone else who's filling that role, it's probably not headed in a good direction. Think When Harry Met Sally, one of my favorite movies of all time.

Soul

I missed a couple of days of Bible reading this week and it took forever to catch back up to where I was supposed to be. I'm having trouble with balancing my time with the whole back to work thing. Our welcome class at the church is still going well. We still intend to join in 2 weeks. I'll try to talk more about that in its own post later in the week.

I am going to try to get another blog site up this week to have a place to discuss Bible topics and questions. I'm getting excited about that. I'm hoping for it to be a good place for honest conversation and learning, hopefully not a place for beating each other up and being rude about disagreements.

Job Front

The employment agency told me the company I've been temping at wants to hire me full time and that I will probably be able to earn as much as I wanted, but nothing has been settled yet. We'll see what happens. I don't want to get my hopes up.

I was originally going to use this post to write a list of why I quit my job as a way to commemorate my 100 days. But it turns out I'm not in the mood to dwell on it. That's progress. I used to be able to talk about it for days. Seriously. Days. This is good.

Disobedience

2009-03-08T22:20:00.005-04:00

This week, I read Disobedience: A Novel by Naomi Alderman. It's been really nice to get back to fiction reading. Escape is good for my constantly worried mind. I'm wandering the library shelves alphabetically now. All authors that start with A for a while. No particular reason. Just seems like a good place to start. This book centers around an Orthodox Jewish community. I had no prior knowledge of mikvahs or that kosher involves not eating milk and meat together. It was all very interesting. I really enjoyed the book. In general, I don't like books where I don't particularly care for the main character, but this was an exception. The main character has left the religion, but returns to her hometown after her Rabbi father dies and reencounters her childhood sweetheart, and that's quite scandalous. The author switched back and forth between first person and third person and made it work really well. Plus I got a little bit of Torah lessons.

Think on these:

In my Bible, Genesis 4:8 says "Now Cain said to his brother Abel, 'Let's go out to the field.' And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him." There is a footnote that some text do not have "Let's go out to the field." It just skips from "Cain said to his brother Abel." And then it says he killed him. This book, Disobedience, speaks about that.

It doesn't say, "And Cain spoke to his brother" or "And Cain talked to his brother." It uses the word vayomer: he said. Something should come afterward. But it doesn't. It stops...My father said, over this, we pass in silence. Even the Torah does not enter into arguments between close family. Even the Torah uses silence here."

"Blessed are you, Lord, our God, King of the Universe, Who did not make me a woman." (from a morning prayer)

"The Sages said: Anyone who converses excessively with a woman causes evil to himself, neglects Torah study, and will eventually inherit Gehinnom." (Pirkei Avot 1:5, studied on Sabbath afternoons between Passover and New Year)

"It is a vitally important commandment always to be happy." (Chasidic saying)

But let us not deny that of the many things He asks, some few may perhaps seem to us not only difficult but also unjust, unfair. Wrong. And, in these moments, let us never doubt that we, too, have a voice within us to speak, that we, too, like Abraham and Moses, may argue with the Lord. It is our right. The simple fact of our existence has bought us the space to stand before Him and make our case.

Work Will Never Make Me Happy

2009-03-07T08:39:00.006-05:00

Yesterday I decided that maybe temping is like trying to date someone casually, and casual dating was not something I've ever understood. We were up front about being able to see/interview other people/companies. I knew there was a possibility that they might try to hire someone externally to help out in marketing because they didn't want to have to pay the additional fee to the temp agency to keep me on. They knew I was still looking elsewhere for a job in case they didn't hire me. But yesterday, when I saw an ad on their website for a marketing intern, it stung a little. And this came at the end of an already bad day.

Snow Day's Over

2009-03-03T19:31:00.009-05:00

This is my 50th blog post. Does that mean I get cake? Mmm. Cake. The diet has been a struggle the last two days. This is the second week in a row where I didn't lose any weight. Easily explainable. I cheated like crazy the day before weigh-in. I got a snow day from work yesterday and Graham didn't so I was home alone for the first time in two weeks, couldn't kill time playing on Facebook, and snacked instead. I don't feel like beating myself up about it like I normally do. All I can do is be better this week. Fretting about it won't change anything. Yesterday was the first time I missed Facebook. I really had to put some effort into not checking it out of habit. How did I ever go so long without knowing every minute detail of all of my acquaintances' lives?

I managed to finish the book I was reading, End of Story, by Peter Abrahams. It was a compelling story. I finished it quickly, although it's not a book I would call a favorite. The main character was a girl with an MFA who wanted to be a published author, but who in the meantime was working as a bartender in New York City. The drama began when she started teaching a writing class to inmates at an upstate prison. That reminded me of a nonfiction book I'd read previously, which I cannot locate the name for. There is a surprising amount of books and anthologies listed on Amazon written by prisoners. It also reminded me of The Hurricane, a 1999 film about a wrongly imprisoned man, and the people who try to set him free. Anyway, the thing that struck me as most real about the character was that she couldn't believe one of the inmates could be a better writer than her with all the credentials she had. The thing that seemed the most unreal was her attraction to one of the inmates. When I was reading I was picturing a skeazy kind of guy so I had a hard time buying it. I guess it would have made more sense for me if I had pictured him more as Sawyer from Lost. I could easily see the book being turned into a movie. What this book did help me along with was restoring my faith in fiction, that it could be interesting to me again. I went to the library today and all three of the books I picked up were fiction. It's been years since I did that.

The temp thing is still going on, but there's still no word on how long it will last. They've told me to do a 9-4 schedule the rest of the week. I was doing 11-4 before so more hours is a good thing.

Anything We Love Can Be Saved

2009-03-02T11:28:00.003-05:00

Last week, I read Anything We Love Can Be Saved: A Writer's Activism by Alice Walker. It's a collection of her essays and letters. It was on display for Black History Month the last time I went to the library so I picked it up. I rarely ever have a plan of what I'm looking for when I go. I grab whatever jumps out so I often bring home display books. Her essays covered a whole bunch of topics that I feel I don't know nearly enough about and left me with a long list of thing I want to explore further.

I want to watch:

Sankofa (1993)

I want to read:

The Woman's Bible by Elizabeth Cady Stanton: In 1898, she went through the Bible and made her own notes about what it meant to her as a woman, much like I'm doing now actually. I'm looking forward to reading what this early feminist had to say. I have a feeling it may not match up with my own thoughts, but it should give me a lot to think over.

Ms. Magazine - Walker has written many articles for them.

In Search of Our Mothers' Gardens also by Alice Walker

The Koran - She admits that she finds Islam frightening. I would like to know more about this religion.

I want to know more about:

Zora Neale Hurston
Nelson & Winnie Mandela
Malcom X
Frida Kahlo
Black Panthers
Salman Rushdie
PETA: I'm not going to join or anything. I just feel I should know more about what they do.
Fidel Castro - Walker is a fan. "However, what is more important is that we remember that wars--whether waged through military strikes, as against Iraq, or through trade embargoes and blockades, as in the case of Cuba--are fought not against leaders only but against the people, who may or may not even like the leader. And that children are the most devastated victims."

Randomness

2009-03-01T12:31:00.006-05:00

The baby fever is still coming and going. Graham's not ready yet, and doesn't want to pin down a date to get started. I want to start trying or at least stop preventing after we go to California in September. By that point, we still won't have checked off very many of the things I wanted to accomplish before getting pregnant, but I kind of don't care. We've found a church. That was the most important thing on the list. We probably won't be able to afford to go to Europe any time soon, although Graham may get the chance to go to China and New Zealand this year for work so at least he'll get to do some traveling. I'm holding out some hope that maybe we can extend his time in one of those countries and I can fly over and do some sight-seeing with him. As for getting skinny, you know, Graham thinks I'm hot so who cares about everybody else? I still want to get to my goal of 130 just because that is healthy and I feel better about myself at that weight, but 115 and sculpted is just unnecessary. I've never been that small. I don't even know what I'd look like if I was. I'd probably be more upset with my body post-pregnancy if I did get tiny right beforehand, if I got to something barely attainable for me pre-pregnancy. Our house will be a work-in-progress for quite some time. If we wait for all of that to be done, we'll be 40 before it's time for kids. I can't wait that long and I know Graham couldn't either. He likes kids. He used to tell me all the time he wanted 10 of them. I think he's getting scared because now I'm on board. :) And finally, I don't doubt my ability to learn what I want to know about a "real" camera during the nine months of pregnancy to be ready when our first one gets here.

Anyway, there will always be one more thing we want to get done, some excuse for not being ready. How could you ever be ready anyway? Also, poorer people than us have babies all the time and do just fine. Someone gave me the advice that if I know I want to have babies, and I am unsure what to do right now careerwise, that I may as well have babies now. I can always go back to school later and pursue something. People do that all the time too. Of course, many things will be more difficult with children, but what would be the point in getting a masters now, almost immediately having kids and staying home with them, and then trying to go back to work with a degree that at that point would be outdated? If I wait to get more schooling until afterward, at least it would be fresh information when I go to try to use it.

...

My friend and I both gave up Facebook for Lent and posted notes about it on Facebook before we got off the site for 40 days. We had not discussed giving it up. Just a coincidence. "Whitney is giving up Facebook for Lent and won't be back on until Easter. Please call or email me!" It was a heads up for friends who I only or mainly communicate with through Facebook so that they wouldn't think I was ignoring them for a month or so. Afterwards, one of our mutual friends posted as a status that they "wish people would stop posting what they were giving up for Lent, doesn't that defeat the purpose?" I never would have known, of course, if someone hadn't told me because I'm not on Facebook right now. I feel so silly, so drama-filled, so high school to be bothered by it. I wanted to talk about it here in case anyone reading my blog feels the same way my friend did about blogging about religious things like Lent. I didn't mean anything offensive or braggy or preachy or snobby by it. Statuses are just a way of oversharing every little thing going on in our lives and Lent is what's going on for me right now.

Bible in One Year: Genesis

2009-02-27T09:04:00.005-05:00

I figured out what I am going to do with the time I am saving by not playing on Facebook during Lent. Two weeks ago, I started the One Year Chronological Bible Plan. That’s not the same as reading Genesis through Revelation straight through. For example, the gospels all tell essentially the same stories. Rather than reading Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John in order, I will read the birth story in each, the crucifixion in each, etc. This plan is something I was already working on before Lent began, but the schedule runs from January 1-December 31, and I started it in mid-February. With my extra time, I am going to double up and do two days worth of the scheduled reading each day so I can catch up and my reading can match up to the calendar for the rest of the year. I'm sure at some point I have read every verse in the Bible, but I have never managed to read the whole thing all at once. I think this will be good for me. Reading it all together will help connect the dots in a different way than reading from it at random. It brings up a lot of questions and a lot of things I want to look into further.

Right now I am almost through Genesis. No one is really sure who wrote Genesis. It could have been that Moses was given the stories directly from God or that he compiled all the stories from varies authors or that he had nothing to do with it at all.

I want to do more research on how evolution and creation fit together and also on other cultures' creation myths.

When God says, "Let us make man in our image," is the "us" referring to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost?

People used to live a crazy long time. I suppose that would be important if you were trying to populate the earth.

God started out by giving us all the plants to eat (except of course for the tree of knowledge of good and evil), but He didn't give us permission to eat animals until after Noah got off the ark. I found it a little disturbing that the first thing Noah did when he got off the ark was to offer an animal sacrifice. Wasn't he single-handedly wiping out a couple of entire species by doing that since there were only two of each kind on the boat? Why did God require animal sacrifices anyway?

Can Adam and Eve be blamed for eating the forbidden fruit if they didn't know the difference between good and evil? Can a child be blamed for not doing what their parents said because they said so if they don't understand the parents' reasoning? I think when you put it that way, it seems like a yes. And how about Adam totally throwing Eve under the bus when God asks what happened? Didn't God know they were going to sin? Predetermination vs. freewill issues -- a very confusing thing. This comes up again when God wanted to destroy the world through the flood. Didn't he know we would be so sinful?

There are some seriously scandalous stories in the Bible. It boggles my mind how people can want to ban and burn other books when there is so much violence, adultery, and intrigue in our major holy book. People go on and on about what bad shape the world is in today. It's been corrupt since pretty much the beginning. So far most of the stories of brothers involve them fighting with each other even to the point of killing each other or selling each other into slavery. We only made it to the second generation of humans before the first murder.

Most of the stories of women portray them as very sneaky individuals. The only thing that's been said so far about women's role is that we were created to be a helper to man and that pain in childbearing is the result of original sin.

Polygyny is all over the place in the Bible. How does this go along with God's intentions for marriage?

Genesis 6:4 - Who were the Nephilim, “the heroes of old, men of renown,” and what happened to them that they are no longer on earth?

Genesis 9:20-27 - Why did Noah curse his son just for seeing him naked?

Why do we pick some Biblical names and not others to name our children in modern times? Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John are always popular, but I have never met anyone named Nimrod. “Like Nimrod, a mighty hunter before the Lord.” Seems like he was quite popular in his own time. He was mentioned again in 1 Chronicles.

Genesis 11 - I don't think I understand why God wanted to come down and confuse our languages so we couldn't understand each other.

What is up with Abraham and later Isaac constantly lying about their wives being their sisters? They say it's because they were afraid they'd be killed over their wives' beauty, but every time they tell someone that, the other person acts like they're crazy.

Eclipse, Breaking Dawn

2009-02-26T08:30:00.004-05:00

I finally finished the last two Twilight books, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn last weekend. This post has spoilers all over the place just so you know in case you are planning to read this series.

During the 3rd book, I finally got to a place where I was into it, and it felt like a page-turner. I was all determined once I finished it to zip through the fourth book quickly, and then a few chapters into that one, I realized I was only finishing the series out of some weird feeling of obligation. I was really not attached enough to any of the characters to have read 4 books. Many times, I didn’t care if they all got ripped to shreds by the Volturi. At least that would have stopped their whining. I agree with Bella in the sense that I don’t know what’s so special about her either. She didn’t have an interesting life outside of her freakshow boyfriend. I think she should have stayed human as long as possible and sorted herself out. I know it’s supposed to be a teen novel series, but there was so much hype by older people I thought it would be something cool or fun like Harry Potter or at least Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I kind of just wanted someone to ruin the ending for me so I could be off the hook on finishing them. I told a friend I would get through them all so we could talk about them so I mostly finished for her. She wants a discussion on why older women are obsessed with these books. I don't have an answer for that, other than maybe they just have a need for escapism. Maybe they wish they could be forever 18, and still have killer bodies even after having a baby?

I still prefer Jacob to Edward. I don't know what all the fuss is about Edward. He was still kind of boring throughout the last two books. He's had 100 years to go do anything he wants, and he keeps going back to public high school. That makes no sense. They could easily say they were home-schooled and not bother with that if the point is simply to make them appear younger when they first move to a new town. I still think Edward and Bella only got together because he's hot and she has good-smelling blood. They didn't have anything in common. How can you base eternal love off of that? Codepency has run amok with these kids! It's so physically painful for us to be apart for 10 minutes... Maybe that comes from being trapped in a teenage body for all eternity.

How predictable that she would immediately get pregnant on the honeymoon.

When the wolves occasionally imprinting on children was initially brought up, I tried to be open-minded, and believe that the love could transform from caretaker to best friend to lover. But there's just no way around that being a little creepy. It makes me think of of people who go on to marry their step-children or adopted kids after they're grown. Yes, they're adults and they're not biologically related to you, but you changed their diapers, and that's weird.

I started to enjoy it more toward the end of the fourth book. Bella was a much more interesting character as a vampire. What really got me bogged down throughout the series was all the over-thinking. I believe the movies have the potential to be way better than the books because there could be some good action scenes, and I wouldn't have to listen to their lame thoughts. I haven't seen the film that's out yet. I don't know anyone who has. Hmm. So maybe the movie isn't that good... I'm sure I will watch because I feel that weird obligation to find out again.

Giving Up Facebook for Lent

2009-02-25T17:46:00.007-05:00

I have never observed the season of Lent before. This will be my first time. It is also the first time the Presbyterian church we are joining has observed it so that's pretty cool. It will be the first time for a large chunk of the congregation. I'm glad we can be a part of that. For anyone who doesn't know what Lent is, it is 40 days of preparation starting on Ash Wednesday and leading up to Easter, the celebration of Jesus' resurrection.

I'm pretty sure I'd never heard of Lent until I was in college, and one of my professors had the ashes smeared across her forehead. Lent is just not something that's observed in the Southern Baptist denomination, and most everyone I know in my tiny Arkansan hometown is some form of Baptist. Graham, as I've mentioned before, is Catholic. One of the rules his family observes is not eating meat on Ash Wednesday or on any of the Fridays during Lent. The first time I ever cooked for Graham back when we were dating was on Good Friday, the Friday before Easter Sunday. I had never paid any attention to Good Friday. Easter Sunday was the whole deal at our church as far as I can remember. I made Mexican chicken, and he didn't tell me until after we ate it that he wasn't supposed to. At the time, I didn't know that anyone did anything special on Good Friday. It was such a foreign concept to me. I had never heard of such a rule. Graham tells me the reason fish doesn't count as meat in this instance is that fish were easy to come by in Biblical times. Other meat was a luxury and you're supposed to be giving up luxuries. I don't know if that's for real or not. I have not followed the no-meat rule even since my revelation that it existed, and I feel a little bad about that because since I have not followed it, Graham has kind of only been halfway with it. It's another one of those things that I feel is not any kind of deal-breaker with God. Nothing but faith brings salvation. I just think it's a nice idea to observe a tradition, to observe the season of Lent as a way to prepare and reflect.

As my friend, Mary, pointed out, Lent is not just about giving something up, it's about using the time and energy we gain from cutting something out to spend more time with God. I've been pondering for weeks about what I should choose as my thing to sacrifice for 40 days. We thought about giving up eating out, but decided it might be impossible. Graham goes out several times a week for work. He's not paying for it, and it's not really up to him, but if we make the work-related eating out an exception, he wouldn't really be giving it up. Plus, we've already got all these outings planned with friends. We didn't want our sacrifice to wind up being friendship rather than dining out. I had been thinking on giving up Facebook for a while, but I wasn't sure if that was an appropriate thing to give up. I'd never heard of anyone doing something like that. Then today, I got an email from our church that led to some helpful information, and there Facebook was, listed as a potential vice to abstain from:

What is a suggested discipline for Lent?
These disciplines are external practices that we engage in, trusting God will use them to bring greater order and permanence to our ongoing internal conversion of dying to sin and living for Christ:
Deny yourself a specific regular pleasure or vice for the 40 days leading to Easter (such as sweets, alcohol, tobacco, watching tv, reading the newspaper, facebooking, or ____ ).
Replace that time with Bible reading and prayer, or use the money you save to give to the poor.
Fast completely (except for water) from the Good Friday service until Easter Sunday, in anticipation of the fullness of life offered through Jesus’ resurrection.

Funnily enough, Mary decided to give up the same thing even though we had never talked about it. I have also never fasted before as our church is suggesting we do during Easter weekend. I do love food an awful lot. I have completely plateaued on my diet, by the way. I don't feel bad about it currently. Fast weight loss wasn't the point this time, lasting lifestyle change was, and that's going well. More exercising, more fruits and vegetables, more water. I feel better. Back to the topic... Like I said, my friend mentioned in her blog that the point is not just to give something up, it's to replace that thing with spending time with God. She plans to spend time normally wasted on Facebook on surfing Christian websites instead. I'm hoping as an additional side benefit that this will also encourage me to make more phone calls to friends. I feel bad about the ones that I only communicate with through a social network.

We just got home from the church's first Ash Wednesday service. Our church has never been so quiet as it was tonight, so zen, so chill. It's normally more of a rock and roll kind of place. There was kneeling and reading and praying aloud together and just a very ritual feeling. There was someone to hand you the bread during communion as opposed to passing it along on a tray. I think sometimes in some churches going through rituals like communion every single week makes things feel less special than if they're done less frequently. This service seemed special because it was such a different feeling service for this particular church.

Graham and I finally took communion together tonight. I think he decided to do it because he felt more comfortable with the ritual. It was more the way he grew up. We're both continually feeling more comfortable with this church as it has been trying to blend the contemporary feel with more traditions. It's beginning to be a very good middle-ground for us. Us enjoying communion together for the first time after being married for three years is a big deal. This place is definitely a good fit. Graham even got to experience communion with grape juice for the first time. Firsts all around. I still haven't done it with wine. I'm not sure when I'll have the chance for that.

Our pastor has more about why the church is beginning to celebrate Lent on his blog, Purple Pastor.